the waiting place

Our largest visitor to our bird feeder is this guy: a Pileated Woodpecker.  Isn't he lovely?  I've named him Woody since that is everyone (of a certain age's) only example of a woodpecker character.  We waited months for the big birds to become daring enough to check out the new feeder.  Luckily we were all home when he came for his meal and Dave was quick on the draw and got photos.

This week was on the low key side.  Both boys were down with fevers & coughs and so I felt like we were in the waiting place.  Waiting for the fevers to break, waiting for coughs to subside, waiting for their immunity systems to tackle the virus....I must admit I got cabin fever and wanted to get out and about.  But I was able to finish my jam from 2013's frozen berries, watch some interesting documentaries, and catch up on housework.  Our forced hiatus from regular scheduling will be over on Monday.

January has brought new projects to us all, new learning and new perspectives.  I feel really blessed in many ways these days.  There is a lot of hope in working towards goals either as individuals or as a family.

In November through to January I had a piece included in a Mail Art Exhibition.  My piece is the middle of the bottom row.  It is called Mary I and the central image is custom designed fabric with a photo of my paternal grandmother.  At some point this year I will receive another artist's work from this show and another artist who participated will get my pieces (I sent in three).  All pieces were 4 x 6", what are known as Artist Trading Cards or ATC's for short.  Overall the show was great with so much variety and work sent in from all over the world.  So again, I wait for my pieces to arrive in the mail at some point in the next months.  I love waiting for mail.  Sometimes the waiting place isn't bad at all.

love week

This week has been all about the love: coughing, up all night, feverish, and much more unpleasantness love.
We've had a sick baby and that is never fun for anyone.  Elliott is on the mend now after seeing three doctors, an x-ray, swabs, a blood test and finally discovering that his lungs need help in dealing with viruses. 
As you can imagine I've been stressed, emotional and testy.  Trying to comfort him during the distressing and invasive exams and through his discomfort with this nasty virus.
Kyan has been a trooper of a big brother, running to get me things and trying to be comforting in his way.

Amidst the chaos of many loads of laundry being left by the wayside as I rocked a feverish baby for most of the day and night we managed to celebrate hearts and love and each other.  Cookies were iced, valentines were handed out, gifts were exchanged and chocolate was consumed en mass. 
I'm grateful that things are sunnier and today I was able to have a warm shower and wash lots of the tension away from a hard week.  Love week for us became about health and how precious it is.  Love can heal but sometimes needs a little help too.

disheveled

The key to my days these past two weeks has been to just breathe...that is when I wasn't coughing.  For someone who rarely gets colds this one that made its way through the whole family decided to linger with me far longer than I've liked.  Since we were so busy with birthdays, Yule and engagement and wedding festivities it has been lingering and has made my days feel oh so disheveled.  And while our home is starting to improve it too is painfully disheveled.

Because of course what our home needs is a complete overhaul.  But I am determined not to subject the boys to constant home time, so we must deal with the mess.  In small increments I'm putting away.  I don't want things thrown about in a desperate dash for perceived order.  Rather I'd like to know that things have a place and that they made it there when my head was as clear as possible so that I remember where they are.  I feel like this entire month will be about slowly getting things moving towards a new normal.  Kyan starts his winter classes next week (pre-school and a sports class) and I'm on a mission to finish several projects from 2011 before taking on my 2012 sewing projects.  The quiet of winter seems to be helping in my healing from the cold, allowing myself a slow pace at organizing and finishing projects one by one.  Lots of tea is helping a lot too.

is it over yet?

Even though we are only a week and a day away from the Autumnal Equinox I find myself looking forward to Samhain and the turning of the wheel.  The "official" new year is still months away but this year is wearing on our family a bit.  2011 will be forever momentous as the year of Elliott's birth,  a wonderful day but even on that day sickness was with us.  We've (or more specifically Dave and Kyan) have had quite a year for illness.  In 2010 I strove to increase our health and for much of the year we were healthy.  Near the end though things started grabbing us and we spent each month of this year except July with some sort of cold, infection or stomach upset.  And I'm done with it.  I, like most parents I'm sure don't do well with illness.  Colds are tolerable but stomach things and fevers and infections....blah.  I can't help but go over all the things I didn't get done or should have maintained etc. in the land of what if's.  What if I'd given us better food this week?  What if I'd cleaned that sink sooner?  I know I can't blame myself and that sickness is a normal part of living and of being.  But I can't help but wonder how such a healthy child for his first two years has had such a bad third, riddled with illness.  Unlucky, or maybe it's just how years progress ebbing and flowing with health and illness.  Also as I write this I have a profound thankfulness for the fact that each of these sicknesses has been a virus or bacterial infection and we have not had to battle something more serious.  For the courageous parents that face severe disease in their family I salute you all.  One day at a time, one hour, one minute...the parenting motto that never stops being true.

Also this week I am so relieved about this,

Worried about this and still thinking about how good this was.

I've got some chicken soup starting on the stove and hope to be back in this space by the weekend if not before.

baby steps

Baby steps, one day at a time, I have many mantras going through my head at this time.  We have been fighting a lingering cold and ear infection with Ky and today he is covered in a rash.  The rash is most likely a reaction to the antibiotics but off to the doctor we go again to make sure. 
These last few weeks are flying by and bringing us closer to birth day and the changes that that will bring our family.   I find myself taking things very slowly in each moment.  Some days bring energy and I get multiple things done and then others I get one or two things half done and I resign myself that I've done my best.
It is so funny how humans try to prepare for these things and make lists and deadlines and get things, make things, try to anticipate needs etc. and in the end all you can hope for is the grace to live up to the moments ahead.  This guy will come when he is ready, demands will be made and answered and our lives will adapt, molding around his needs and finding a new normal.
The days are getting longer, at times warmer, and I feel instincts to nest.  I don't feel much like venturing far these days, adventures into the unknown seem a bit too intense when stacked against what a matter of weeks will bring us.  In contrast to that feeling I feel the urge to plan outings and dinners, and visits with friends to keep myself from getting lost in anticipation and frustration if things take longer than expected.  Because Ky was 3 weeks early in arriving I plan to be prepared for that possibility with this guy but it remains just that a possibility.... not guarantees in this experience.  Well, I guess the only guarantee is that he will come out, timing of course to be the universe's to decide.
So as we convalesce, clean, organize, entertain ourselves and wonder just who the fourth family member is going to shape up to be, I just try and get through this moment.  Precious, fleeting and surreal as it may feel.

In the works...

Written Tuesday morning...
We've been a bit under the weather around here for the last week.  Ky's cold is now a fever and sore throat so the rather busy day that was planned is now a quiet one instead.  There is a flux of things moving in and out of here:  Letters, packages, projects, gifts.  We have meetings, orientations, concerts and dinners planned.  November is often busy for us with birthdays and outings and this one is no exception.  A highlight of this month will be Friday for that is the day that we get to see this babe in real time.  We are also going to find out the sex and I am really excited.  My to do list is not getting shorter but instead is getting a bit jumbled in my head.  I've had lots of work in the last 2 weeks which is great for the bank account but is not so helpful in keeping me on track with all my other work.

Written today, Wednesday...
What a difference a day makes.  I am tentatively putting it out there that I think Ky has recovered.  He certainly seems more of his chipper self today.  And with the sun that has decided to grace us out there I feel like I might be able to scratch some things off the list today.  There are updates being made around our co-op over the next months regarding our water supply.  Today our water is off until 3 p.m.  Preparing for such things is not always easy with a young child but somehow we'll get through these days.
I am starting to plan Ky's birthday party for December, it will be the first big one that he's had.  I don't plan big bashes every year but this one will be perhaps a fond farewell to Ky's train passion.  He's still into them but he's been showing signs of diversifying his tastes a bit.  Also I'm of course thinking of Yule and gifts and such.  The budget is a huge factor this year as we are trying really hard to get our spending under control so that we have money to save towards future plans.  I always take such things as a challenge and I was proud of my work last year visiting Craft Fairs and keeping the budget strictly.  This year I have challenged myself to stay out of malls, or at least big chain stores for all of the gifts.  So far so good.

Well, this has been a ramble post, proof that my brain is still not entirely focused....hope your week is shaping up to be a bit more cohesive than mine.

Things I've Learned

So, it was not over.  Friday night I came down with this gastro thing and two days later it was Dave's turn.  So now we are on the mend here for good.  Being sick like this left me with quite a lot to ponder.
Like, what are we going to eat?  I certainly didn't feel like making the meals I had planned out for us for the week.  And I noticed that our supply of bland starchy things grew tiresome fast.  I also read that you shouldn't necessarily eat bland since it provides little to no nutrients for recovery.    In Independence Days: A Guide to Sustainable Food Storage & Preservation Sharon goes over food storage for emergency and I came to realize that being the mom of a recovered and hungry toddler means you cook whether you can stand up straight or not.  In my mind I saw the brilliance of homemade chicken soup in the freezer ready for "emergency" situations and then my mind goes blank.  What else should be in there?  I've never really thought about this stuff before now.  This type of thinking has not been cultured into me.  I am a go to the store, pick it up instantly kind of girl.  I want to be prepared (as any good Girl Guide would be, but I dropped out after one year) but how do I make this work for us?  I don't need to go out and buy tons of stuff and create a bomb shelter with its own solar panels yet, but I should have water stored, emergency medical info and enough food to get us through for at least 2 weeks.  Sharon actually recommends 3 months.  While I'm not sure how I'm going to integrate this information into our lives I am happy that I found this book and have read it.  I feel that just knowing about preparedness whether I am or not is going to help if anything actually hits the fan.
I'm not much for doomsday predictions or the like but it would be ignorant to assume that it can't happen to me.  I am not immune to a natural disaster or a systemic breakdown, just like I'm not immune to the flu.

Is it over?

Well, never before has tgif had such a meaning for me.  This week has been a challenge to say the least.  It started off fine but by Tuesday night...things took a turn for the worst.  We managed to make it through Ky's first battle with gastroenteritis and the laundry resulting has been done.  We've gone over 24 hours without throw up, yah!  Dave and I are both tired.  I am not an experienced mama with the sick thing yet.  I stress about it quite a bit, maybe I always will. 
The sun has peaked out here and there and I've tried to except that summer is on the doorstep but I need some warmth to really get the feeling into my bones.  Apparently we are due for some sun next week.  Solstice camping is fast approaching, Ky's big  boy bed mattress arrives on Monday and we are 99% on the road to a new place to live.  Our move won't be until the end of the summer and that is perfect to me.  We'll have lots of time to enjoy summer, I won't worry too much about home things and I'll have early September to settle into the new place.  The thing I'm most excited about at the moment is that I'll get to make curtains and window coverings for each room!  Good bye vertical blinds!!!
Grey skies are going to clear up and I'm putting on a happy face.  But I will share in my sentimental fashion that I'll miss many things about this place.  I doubt Ky will remember living here and since it is where he was born I feel responsible for recording all the lovely things about it for him and I to remember should he express interest some day.  So there will be a speckling of posts relating these great things over the next 3 months.  Have a great weekend.  My regular post schedule should resume shortly.

Herbal Health Amulets

The craft aspect of witchery has ebbed and flowed in my practice for many years now.  Spellwork, amulets, and the like are not a frequent part of my practice.  There are several reasons for this, some of which I am sad to admit are linked to a lack of discipline on my part.  But I feel that most importantly for me I must do spellwork that I am compelled to do.  If it means enough to me I will make the time to do it sort of thing.  Last month I did just that.

Both of my parents have been dealing with health issues since the beginning of the year.  They have both been relatively healthy over my lifetime but, as I'm sure happens with everyone, eventually your body can begin to experience the wear and tear of age.  Since I am so far from my parents I found myself feeling helpless to help them.  Even if I did live nearby there is little I could do to help them deal with their physical ailments but on a magical level I felt that I could create an amulet for each of them that could help them heal.

Because both of my parents work closely with the land I chose to use herbs and essential oils to create  healing energy for them.  Since I do believe that magical work is best kept quiet and shared only with the person it is intended for I won't share exactly what was in their pouches but I will share the basics of how I created them and what I decided to include in case you are interested in attempting some yourself.

I gathered the ingredients myself from dried and fresh herbs and plants in my neighbourhood.  Each pouch was different according to what qualities I believed they needed.  You can use a table of correspondences to help you with this as each plant has magical energies attributed to it.  My instincts pulled me to certain plants.  I then sewed two small pouches in green fabric and embroidered a symbol on one side and the respective initial of their first names on the other.  I mixed the herbs and then added the oils to each in sacred space.  Also during sacred space I read out the intentions of the amulets, consecrated them with the elements and raised energy through chant and movement.  After the spellwork I set the one for my mother out in the light of the full moon, and then let both charge in sunlight for a day. 

It felt really good to create these amulets and send them out to my parents.  They are sleeping with them under their pillows since in sleep we recharge and our bodies relax enough to accept the essence of healing.
Having spellwork come to me like this was a nice change to my practice (or lack there of at the moment).  I hope to continue to be open to these ideas as they present themselves and craft when the universe calls for action. 

A quiet season

Take a little time to smell the rose hips...

Here I am after a birthday weekend of the flu. Not the best birthday gift I've ever received. One thing that being totally out of commission does for you is get you really motivated to get some work done. I have lists running for meals, gifts, & crafts I'd like to make. Not to mention lists for around the house tasks: move plants around, clean everything, baking, pillows to make, decorating for Yule. I'm already overwhelmed.
There is a stillness as well. Something that swept through me while I was sick; the thing that forced me to the couch and made me stay there for more than a day. It was obvious that I had not been listening to this force and so it had to take me over completely. The quite of this time of year, the darkness, the cold; it asks us to turn inward. Take the time to listen to your soul, watch the birds eat the last of the berries, feel the chill and the contrasting warmth under a blanket. I have a wish of stillness this season for us all. Peace & stillness to you.