Wednesday, February 9, 2011

baby steps

Baby steps, one day at a time, I have many mantras going through my head at this time.  We have been fighting a lingering cold and ear infection with Ky and today he is covered in a rash.  The rash is most likely a reaction to the antibiotics but off to the doctor we go again to make sure. 
These last few weeks are flying by and bringing us closer to birth day and the changes that that will bring our family.   I find myself taking things very slowly in each moment.  Some days bring energy and I get multiple things done and then others I get one or two things half done and I resign myself that I've done my best.
It is so funny how humans try to prepare for these things and make lists and deadlines and get things, make things, try to anticipate needs etc. and in the end all you can hope for is the grace to live up to the moments ahead.  This guy will come when he is ready, demands will be made and answered and our lives will adapt, molding around his needs and finding a new normal.
The days are getting longer, at times warmer, and I feel instincts to nest.  I don't feel much like venturing far these days, adventures into the unknown seem a bit too intense when stacked against what a matter of weeks will bring us.  In contrast to that feeling I feel the urge to plan outings and dinners, and visits with friends to keep myself from getting lost in anticipation and frustration if things take longer than expected.  Because Ky was 3 weeks early in arriving I plan to be prepared for that possibility with this guy but it remains just that a possibility.... not guarantees in this experience.  Well, I guess the only guarantee is that he will come out, timing of course to be the universe's to decide.
So as we convalesce, clean, organize, entertain ourselves and wonder just who the fourth family member is going to shape up to be, I just try and get through this moment.  Precious, fleeting and surreal as it may feel.

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