Lessons in Letting Go

One aspect of this life stage (childrearing, late 30's) that never ceases to catch me off guard is the radical push that your sense of comfort gets.  Whether it is waking at all hours of the night, freezing on the sidelines of a rainy soccer game, or dealing with a gut wrenching emotional struggle that your 2nd grader is facing there are minutes, hours and days of discomfort.

One such event for me has been my boy's foray into the snowboarding world.  Other than a handful of skiing and snowboarding afternoons I have never really felt a call to hurtle myself down mountains on slippery, stylishly decorated wood & fibreglass boards.  My husband loves it.  My boys declared this fall that they wanted to try it.  And so lessons were set up and next week is the last of 5 weeks worth.

Kyan now loves it too.  Which surprised me.  I was full of discomfort on the first day, watching him pull the snowboard with one foot, a determined look of struggle on his face.  Every part of me wanted to tell him to unstrap his foot and forget about it.  I expressed this only to Dave who kindly told me Kyan was doing great.  As for our 4 year old, perhaps he was too young to start.  That determination was not in him for this activity yet.  But in a few years we will revisit it and see if he will join in the fun with Dad and big brother or hang out with mama doing something else.

The lesson that has become more apparent to me as the boys have worked on lifting their toes up and getting off the chair lift, is that I must endure the discomfort.  I must stand there with my hands in fists at my side and not comment.  There are so many things that my kids do that other parents may cringe at if their kids were doing. I don't get that feeling about: playing in mud, swinging sticks around,  walking a bit too far ahead on the trail....no problem.  They'll be fine.  Strapping a board on your feet and heading down a steep incline covered in snow.....Oh, my.....

But as I watched Kyan last week I felt a small sense of peace.  His slow and methodical personality shone through as he descended the run.  And I knew that he was ok.  The tension in my body relaxed slightly and I remembered again to let go.  Does the mama bird feel that apprehension when her young-ling flies off for the first attempt in the air?  Parenting is a never-ending series of letting go and holding close.  Certainly it's not recommended for the faint of heart.

London Calling

The countdown to our summer holiday is officially on.  We leave in about 2 months for London England, and Jersey Channel Islands.  To say I'm excited is a huge understatement and in my true fashion I'm doing some fun research on my own and with the boys.  Luckily Kyan developed an interest in knights and castles recently, and Elliott's obsession with shields and swords is playing into our prep as well.  Here are some books that we have checked out from the library to give us some background on our travels. 

 

This is an interesting read so far, debunking the myths surrounding the ravens living at the Tower of London.  I happened upon it while looking for books on ravens for a future art project.

 

Edward Rutherford has written many novels specific to cities.  I have read Dublin: Foundation  (Also named The Princes of Ireland) and really enjoyed it.  Historical fiction helps me to grasp a place much better than too much non-fiction.  Much less dry.

 

Let's Take the Kids to London: A Family Travel Guide, and Frommer's London with Kids (Frommers With Your Family Series) are the guide books I have been looking at.  So far I've just been glancing through but I plan to look more extensively in early June.

And for kid's books we have been reading:

  

Which is really fun and engaging. 
Although the overall perspective gets harder to grasp as the city grows over time.

 

 We pick and choose from this one covering the areas we will be going to and the aspects that we can engage a 4 and 7 year old in.

That's it for now.  I'll try and share more about our prep and the trip itself soon.

October Memories

 The first time we trekked out from the city to the country to pick apples and pose with pumpkins was 6 years ago.  The biggest guy in these pictures was only 2 and the second biggest guy was in my belly.  The next year we had two little ones and one on the way (actually only a month out).  Several years and subsequent visits later we brought the littlest one who decided to sample the dirt during his first pumpkin photo shoot.  And this October these pictures were taken of four rapidly growing boys.  In various stages of becoming men.

 The thing about tradition and growing up is that while we adults try and create memories we really can't.  Ultimately what the boys remember will depend on them, what is important to them, what they value, what sticks as odd or fun or silly.  It may be that I may cherish these outings way more than they ever do.  I acknowledge my part in that, my attempt to influence their childhood stories to reflect my own values and interests.

 There was no picture where they all looked at me and smiled.  Photographing 4 boys between the ages of 8 and 2...good luck my friend.  But in each one you can see a characteristic; the stoic leader, the mischievous one, the thinker with his heart on his sleeve, and the unpredictable wild card.  Each so close and yet miles away from the person they could be tomorrow or were yesterday.  

There are many definitions of family that ring true for me.  I don't hold one above all others because the path of my life has taught me that every type of family that we encounter whether we are born into in, make it ourselves or have it forced upon us shapes us and teaches us more about ourselves.  All I can hope for these 4 is that the family that they most certainly are gives them strength and deep love and acceptance that they can carry their whole lives.

Goodbye in a Whisper

From baby to little boy.  A milestone happened this month.  3 years after Kyan weaned in May 2010, Elliott is now in the ranks of post-breastfed.  Both times as weaning approached I expected a bigger denouement but reading over my post about Kyan weaning reminds me that these life moments are so rarely big.  There are no fireworks, it just ends.  Elliott protested a bit at bedtime but transitioned amazingly fast.

Our breastfeeding relationship went very smoothly.  He caught on quickly and was very clear about his needs.  I must say the second time around was more fluid and I fought it less ie: less worrying about him never weaning or I guess just less worrying in general.  I knew it would happen in time.

 So rather than get into my personal issues with the process, what it does to me etc, etc, I'm just going to say that 2 years, 2 months, and 3 weeks was the length of this intimate bond with Elliott.  And now our relationship is moving to another place.
 

I was once invited to a "got my breasts back" party held by a triumphant mama who was finished breastfeeding after having two children.  I can't say that I feel like having a party, rather I feel like marking the moment as I have here and looking forward instead.  There is so much on the horizon with the boys, and with how growing up happens in a family.  This stage is over for us.  This bond will only live in Elliott's internal consciousness as a feeling of warmth, security and love.  I am so lucky to have had the time to share this with both boys and now I say goodbye in a whisper and let it all float away on the May wind.

How we do...

Toy rotation.

One of the most important tips that I gathered from Kim Payne's book Simplicity Parenting was the use of toy rotation and a "toy library" storage system.  System may be the wrong word because it implies something  that may seem more organized than a big cardboard box of toys in the storage room but hey, whatever works.  My point here is you don't need fancy shelves or even lots of labels to do this.  Just take half of the toys that are crowding your living space and put them away for a few months.

Payne's point in doing this was that if children are overwhelmed by too many toys they don't actually play with them, they just move from toy to toy and discard them in their wake.  After using this system for a year or so I tend to agree.  After a few months of toys being out of sight it is like bringing out something brand new when a still appreciated toy emerges from storage.

 I would love to say that once a season I rotate out books and toys freshening them up so to speak but it ends up being more like twice a year.  Regardless of the schedule it lets you get rid of broken or outgrown toys and keep the clutter a bit more controlled.  I also try to keep a one in, one out strategy so if a new toy is  acquired or one child asks for a specific toy from storage I'll ask him to choose one to trade back into the library.

And as for the toys we are getting rid of if they are in good condition I'll post them on craig'slist for a small amount and if they sell the boys get to put the money in their piggy banks, otherwise they are donated or discarded.  Some parents consult with their kids on which toys to let go of but I've found that my boys are pretty clear when something is outgrown.  If it rarely gets asked for or is even noticed I just take it out of rotation for good.  If you do consult and your kids resist just back off a bit.  Kids tend to hold on to things in the moment so revisit the toy again in a few weeks and if they haven't played with it much or at all in that time it may be easier to convince them that it is time the toy moved on to someone else who may play with it more.  

Less is more in the case of toys and books.  (Not that I don't have tons of kids books, I do.  They are just mostly kept in storage and rotated out according to seasons, holidays etc.)
This system is helping us to live in a smaller space without a toy room and not be overwhelmed by clutter and chaos constantly.  (Or, at least it's supposed to....work in progress:)

How we do...

... little boy's closets.  Over a month ago we added closet inserts into the boy's room.  We did this for practical reasons like having more floor space for them and for maximizing the capacity of the closets.  After living in a home with built-ins in every closet and seeing how helpful that was for organizing I am a huge fan now.

 This layout was worked out by Dave and I searching out the best components at the best price.  Having sliding doors is a challenge since you can only have one side open at a time.  That means you shouldn't put anything that is accessed everyday in the middle.   The top two shelves were the one that was already there plus the same self and brackets that we removed from our own closet last year.  We just didn't use the hanging bars across.
 

We purchased another shelf and brackets to go above the metal drawers.  The drawers and hanging bar are from Ikea.  For two little boys with very little that needs hanging up this option works well.  I don't think they'll need more hanging space than that for many years.

As you can see clothes, books (lots of them) and blankets as well as stuffed animals and keepsakes are all in this standard size closet.  I was able to get everything except the hand-me-down clothing in there and free up more of our storage room space.

The baskets are great visually and they are easy to pull out.  Overall I am thrilled by the transformation of this project.  Dave did the construction and I have to say that he is a trooper with me when it comes to this stuff.  But he can't ever fully comprehend how happy an organized closet makes me.  It just helps the day go smoothly, yah know?

The Second Time Around

One aspect of having a second child that no one mentioned to me was how you can be thrown off by your experience with the first.  Especially when you have two kids of the same sex.  In my case boy 1 is more of a look before he leaps guy.  He can be silly and hyper too, but can be slow to warm up to strangers and thinks about things.  Kyan and I have navigated lots of baby, toddler and pre-schooler milestones.  Teething, potty training, nursing and weaning, learning to sleep on his own (still a work in progress that one,) overcoming fears, illness and emotional outbursts.  He gets to do things first, so I thought Elliott would benefit from his path making in the bush of parenting.  In some ways he does but in many ways we are cutting out a whole new path.

I marvel pretty much daily at how opposite our two boys are.  I didn't expect them to be the same but for several of the big things,  like the ones I mentioned above, I thought I had at least an idea of how to do them. But as Elliott is hitting the time periods when these things are to begin I'm realizing that this is a whole new ball game.  My boy who would sit on the potty patiently reading books until a desired outcome was reached is not shadowed by my boy who sits for maximum 30 seconds before leaping to his next location.  Hun.
One little boy loved cow's milk and would take a cup full as a substitute for mama's milk when weaning began, our other little boy is not so interested in cow's milk but for the last week or so will take a cracker instead of having a meltdown when he can't nurse on demand (only took me a day or two to figure that one out).

So as we navigate through these waters I try to keep my assumptions in the background and take cues from Elliott.  Everything is different and while Elliott copies Kyan frequently throughout the day; trying to do all the things his big brother does, our journey through the months of potty training and weaning are going to have their own process of trial and error to find what works for him.  He is quick and super smiley these days.  Words are beginning for him and have taken a bit longer to emerge than with Kyan.  The parenting Elliott journey is opening up a bit, moving away from baby world to the toddler with the burgeoning personality one.  Parenting two is a dance that will take several years to become routine.  But there have been some little glimpses of newness these last two weeks; playing together, playing side by side (without conflict) and the proud big brother introducing his younger brother with a protective hand on his shoulder.  Makes a mama's heart melt for just a second or two.  Sweet boys I have, lucky me.

Rainy day plans

Oh, June.  You fool me every time.  I look forward to you for months and think June, June will bring warm sun and sandals and those long days of outside time.  And then June arrives and it rains and rains and rains.  The most I can hope for 7 days in is sun by the solstice.  The longest day sometimes brings some happier fluffy clouds.  In the meantime though I am still planning.  Planning to bake and prepare things in advance.  Changing over the entry closet from scarves and mittens to sunhats and sandals.  This year, as my kitchen time has certainly grown with each moon cycle (these boys can eat I tell you) I've come to really understand the importance of planning ahead.  Having food to pull out of the freezer; whether it be for smoothies, quick treats for guests, or even the "I don't feel like cooking" blues is a must.   And since those hot days are inevitable (they are coming right?) I don't want to be chained to my stove during the dog days of summer.
And so I've been hatching a plan.  I've been gathering advice and making lists in my head.  On my list is making jam, freezing produce in season and trying to ferment veggies too.  So the main gist of this is that if it's raining I'm paying attention to food.  Even if it is just one small batch of cookies or researching U-pick farms rainy days are the time for it.  Because if the sun is shining we are going to be enjoying it.  Period.
So here is my list of finds that are going to help me keep our summer as fun as possible.

Warmer Weather Batch Cooking - Simple Bites

More Warm Weather Batch Cooking - Simple Bites

10 Things to do Every Day to Stay Organized - Home Your Way

Preparing for preserving season - local kitchen

Camping with Kids - Real Simple

Keep your Summer Organized - Simple Mom

If you have any additions please add them to the comments.  You can never have too many ideas or tips when it comes to food prep and planning ahead.

love week

This week has been all about the love: coughing, up all night, feverish, and much more unpleasantness love.
We've had a sick baby and that is never fun for anyone.  Elliott is on the mend now after seeing three doctors, an x-ray, swabs, a blood test and finally discovering that his lungs need help in dealing with viruses. 
As you can imagine I've been stressed, emotional and testy.  Trying to comfort him during the distressing and invasive exams and through his discomfort with this nasty virus.
Kyan has been a trooper of a big brother, running to get me things and trying to be comforting in his way.

Amidst the chaos of many loads of laundry being left by the wayside as I rocked a feverish baby for most of the day and night we managed to celebrate hearts and love and each other.  Cookies were iced, valentines were handed out, gifts were exchanged and chocolate was consumed en mass. 
I'm grateful that things are sunnier and today I was able to have a warm shower and wash lots of the tension away from a hard week.  Love week for us became about health and how precious it is.  Love can heal but sometimes needs a little help too.

Family Winter Wellness

We are in the thick of it...that dreaded time of the year when most people are sick with something and we all do our best to avoid joining them if we can.  Last year I wrote a piece for Pagan Pages about family winter wellness and I wanted to re-post some of it here with a few additions that I have discovered over the past year.  Feel free to add any tips in the comments that you use with your family to stay healthy (since we can all use all the help we can get!)

The dark phase of the year often brings with it lower immune systems and colds and flus.    I  have become more aware of preventing illness and remembering these tips I’ve assembled is helpful even though they can be hard to put in to practice at times.  Of course if we do get ill we know that it is a message from our body that slowing down and resting is in order. And speaking of rest...

Sleep
Getting enough sleep is always important but since this is the darker time of the year it seems to be a better time to make that happen for yourself and your kids.   Let your evenings be as calm as possible.  If you can’t make every evening relaxing try and do it at least once a week.  Use candles or dim lighting to keep everyone more introspective.  Have some herbal tea for dessert and read together.  Have blankets on hand for getting cozy under and make sure that bedrooms are refuge-like for everyone.  

Wash those Hands
I know this one is about as basic as you can get but I am constantly amazed by how many people do not wash their hands properly.  The best way to prevent the spreading of illnesses is by washing your hands for at least 20 seconds with regular soap and water.  Many parents have hand sanitizer and wipes in case a sink is not an option before snacks when you are out and about.   You can help encourage your children to wash their hands by making it as fun as possible.  Soaps in fun shapes, colourful towels, and stools to help everyone reach the sink are really helpful.  Singing while washing always helps with my little one.  It will also help you to remember how long they need to wash.  Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star is our favourite standby for hand washing.

Eat immunity boosting foods
Remember to include immune system boosting foods like garlic and ginger in your family’s diet.   We love hummus which  has a healthy dose of garlic, this hot drink recipe looks great (although I would lessen the sugar replacing it with honey or maple syrup and just sweeten to taste)  broths are also great for health; chicken, beef or fish bones boiled down with water.   You can find a recipe here.  Also Mothering has a wonderful article about helping children with the flu that has stuck with me.  So much valuable information!

Colour Therapy
Grey days are hard for everyone but children can have a harder time communicating a feeling of sadness or moodiness that may be brought on by a lack of sunlight exposure.  One way to help that is to have sunny colours around your home for them to feed off of.  A bright wall hanging, throw pillows, making colourful art together and dressing them in sunny coloured clothing for daytime can all help with this often silent problem.

Skin Care
Staying hydrated is key in cold weather just like in the summertime.  Heaters and indoor re-circulated air dry out the skin.  Try using a gentle soap for your young one’s skin and use it sparingly in only the body creases or very dirty areas.  Otherwise use moisturizers and drink lots of fluids to try and keep your skin from drying out or cracking.  Also remember to use sunscreen if out on very bright days with lots of sun reflection.

Fresh Air
Fresh air is good for us and so is natural light.  There may not be much natural light to spare but it is a good practice to get out as much as you can.  The air indoors is never as good for your lungs as that from a brisk walk or an afternoon of outdoor fun.  Opening the windows for even a few minutes can help circulate the stale indoor air.   Light helps keep the winter blues at bay and makes your system function with the natural rhythms of the earth.

the voice

A conversation that circulated through my group of friends sometimes before, but often after children began entering our lives was about "the voice."  This voice had a certain tone, a certain firmness and usually a look to accompany it.  Often it included your middle name or if you were really in trouble your whole name said slowly and succinctly.   For my friend Heidi Joy it arrived a year or so into her mommy journey but for me I must admit that while I used a firm voice with Ky many times before now I didn't hear "the voice" until just recently.  The first time it came out I was sure I was shouting, it took me by surprise and I stopped short.  But I was heard...there was a response to it.  With the addition of a brother to the scene and around turning 4 Kyan's volume level went up.  Loud voice, loud singing, loud samurai moves, shrieking, impressions, joke telling...it's all loud.  And then you add pulling off your brother's socks, tumbling bear hugs, toy destroying prevention, and a baby who has found his lung capacity and it's really freaking loud.
What did my mama instincts do?  Summoned up the voice.
The let your brother out of that headlock, he can't be a ghost under the blanket, and for the 10th time stop jumping off the couch voice.
For a while I questioned my attachment parenting philosophy and how it aligned with this sound emanating from me.  I asked myself are you sure you aren't yelling, are you sure this is not going to damage your child somehow?  The answer that I have come to many times is that when the chips are down and the top is blowing off your head there must be a game changer.  The voice is that game changer.  It sets the tone, it is a signal.  Definite, clear, succinct.  Heidi Joy calls it dragon mama, but regardless of its name it is from a deep place of parental discipline that all children no matter of culture or creed recognize as the final warning.  Just as our children are growing and evolving everyday we as parents change too.  Adapt or be left in the parenting dust of yesterday so to speak.  Adapt I have. 

Learning about time with collage

I have a new post over at Pagan Parenting Resource Blog.

Hello all!
I wanted to share a little project that my 3 year old and I did recently.  He has developed an interest in time: "When will I be 4?"
"When will it snow?"
"When does soccer class start?"....click here for more

Book of the Month: April

I had been waiting a while to read Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids and so I'm pleased to write that I managed to do that this month.  Breastfeeding every hour and a half all day certainly helps with the reading list.  Kim John Payne approaches parenting from a Waldorf trained perspective and counsels families towards a more grounding home life.  He covered lots of area in this book and set out principals that are simple in theory if not so much in practice.  I agreed with many of his guidelines and think that many families would benefit from creating predictable patterns, removing the clutter of too many toys and "stuff" and reducing the overall screen time in the home.  I plan to go through the book again before returning it to the library and take some notes to keep myself mindful of this philosophy.  It definitely echoes many of my parenting goals.

News of note

I just wanted to share that I've been asked to contribute to the Pagan Parenting Resource Blog.  I was honoured to be asked and in order to keep things clear in my mind I've developed three areas that I will write about for each of my three endeavors.  Here I of course pour out the jumble of my mind in everything from mothering to politics to my personal pagan path.  At PaganPages Ezine I write about day-to-day pagan parenting covering topics like Blessingways, family values, and general parenting issues from a pagan perspective.  At the Pagan Parenting Resource Blog I've decided to share a monthly crafting/art project celebrating nature, the festivals or the seasons.  There may be overlap in places but for the most part that is my plan for keeping the content in each place unique and fresh.  I have just posted my first post to Pagan Parenting and have shared a tutorial for making a Tree Advent Calender with your kids.  Please check out the site as it has some great contributors and content.

I want to remember...

Our moving date is fast approaching and there are more obstacles popping up here and there in our home.  Despite the chaotic nature of packing, and relocating three people there are some moments that take me aback when I realize how big Ky is getting.

He loves to read to himself.  At this point he has memorized many of his favorite stories and it is a pleasure to listen to him read.  Of course lately he's found hiding in boxes to be a fun new pass time.

Building train tracks with Dada is still not getting old.  He loves to lay down on the floor and really get into playing.  He also has the trains talk to each other and he acts out fun little scenarios (very like his Mama used to be in that regard)

And he is now tall enough to reach light switches.  He loves to be able to do the simple, everyday tasks of living.  So far we've been working on him taking off his own shoes and hat and putting them away.  It is mind blowing that he is closer to 3 than 2 now. 

A Milestone Week

 photo taken in April 2009

This week seemed to pass me by in a whisper of sorts even though something big happened: Kyan is now weaned.  Our journey to this moment was filled with joys and tears, and the slow and steady pace that I am sure is how he will approach many future milestones in his life.  This pace was not mine, it was his.  There were moments of sleep-deprived delirium for me where his need for me and nursing made me feel like I may loose my mind, and then things would change slightly and we'd be okay again.  Before he was born 2 years seemed like the ideal amount of breastfeeding time to me but as his second birthday approached I saw that I needed to make some little pushes towards weaning and take it one day at a time.
I had heard stories from both sides, of children who had weaned themselves and others who had needed some encouragement.  I desperately wanted him to loose interest but he didn't.  Our nursing relationship started off with the typical sore nipples and botched latches but after a few weeks we were a good team and he never looked back.  This boy likes his "malk."    In my ideal world he would have decided he was done and just lost interest but for whatever reasons that didn't occur and so I began to slowly work with Ky to help him let go of nursing one feeding at a time.  Luckily he is very perceptive and good at verbalizing his feelings so we have talked through this process the whole way.  
The process involved extra mama time, extra hugs, and repetition.  Fevers and teething didn't help and were exceptions to any steps forward but such is life with a toddler.  Last month as I sensed a slight disinterest from him at bedtime I came to see that nap time nursing would be the last to go.  Emotions rose inside me as well because I realized that he would not remember this time.  The residual effects will remain in our bond and hopefully give him a good sense of self in his life but the small moments, the cozy parts, the giggles and comfort, not to mention the nourishment are no more.  As the time approached to give up the last nursing I felt sad and wished that somehow he would remember but nature creates these processes to get humans where they need to go.  There is not much room for sentimentality in this journey.  Life moves, breathes and grows and so I will carry this time with me forever as a glorious, often challenging and special memory.  It was a gift to share myself with him for this long but now our journey continues in a different way.  And my "little boy" as he likes to call himself, moves closer to being a "big boy" someday.

Amy at Progressive Pioneer is sharing birth stories once a week until the birth of her second child.  Today she posted another version of Kyan's birth story from the one that I posted here on his first birthday.  Head on over and have a read if you are interested. 

The Dance of Mothering

With each step of Ky's development my mothering grows and adapts to his needs and much like the tides of the ocean being pulled in and out by the moon my actions often feel like a dance.  There are missteps, frustrations and worries but instincts and space seem to help me over the bumps and keep perspective for me as well.

As we've taken baby steps to remove cords one by one that have bound us so tightly over these last two years I've come to see that mothering is a series of little pushes.  Knowing when to push your child forward, away from you and closer to the independent adult they will one day be (but wow that is hard to imagine for me at this point) I say pushes because I don't think you are leading necessarily as then you would be pulling your child forward,  rather you stand behind knowing where they need to step next and encourage that to happen.  The instinct to hold on to our little ones is strong, to protect, to preserve innocence but I want to empower him, give him good roots and strong wings to fly his own path in the world and so I can't squeeze too tight or pretend that with each day he does not grow.  The pace of growth changes with each child, perhaps some jump forward with out encouragement but Ky is a person of habit, change is usually met with some hesitation and some resistance.  And we work through things in his time and decided whether to take the next step or wait for a while and try again.

As Ky laid in his crib peacefully drifting off to sleep while holding my hand the other night I thought of the often silent but present doubt that he would ever reach that stage.  Because he had slept with us for most of his life there were those that doubted, some felt that he could be too dependent on us for too long.  But again he proved to me that he would give cues that I would have to pick up on and then I would give him the slightest of nudges towards trying something on his own.  The process felt/feels organic and natural.  It was not convenient for myself or Dave, it was not easy, quick, or without many sleepless nights, tears and frustration (mostly from me) But it is happening and I hope that this process of learning to sleep on his own is laying the foundation for Ky to have healthy sleeping patterns for the rest of his life. 

We, as mothers and parents never stop giving these little pushes.  Our parental relationship requires that we continue to encourage what feels right towards the next step in our child's development.  Unfortunately I think many parents miss some stages, push too soon, too hard or don't push at all for reasons that only they can know perhaps their own childhood or personal blocks.  This leaves some children, teenagers and young adults (heck even full adults) with serious independence issues, lack of direction or feelings of inadequacy.   I see it in many peers of my generation who struggle with accepting the reality of adulthood.  Believe me though this is not a blame the parents mantra, nor do I exclude myself from these qualities because whether we have the best parents or not nothing and no one is ever perfect.

My point here is that as this dance advances and the steps become more complex and the stages become more far reaching I strive to keep perspective as a mom and not let my own issues cloud Ky's being.  I don't want him to have my hang ups, I'm sure he'll develop enough on his own as it is.  So I push a little, encourage and wait.  Take his cues, backup two steps and then we walk forward one.  Cues come that it is time to try again and this time we dance a bit longer towards learning something new and then again we wait.  Books say things, people say things, other kids his age are doing things but all Ky and I and his Dada can do is dance our dance and let the natural rhythm of life unveil itself in due time.

Art of the Month: Spring

This month is a bit different in the art department. For our Equinox celebration we (Heidi Joy and her lovely boys, Kyan and I) made the fun hand painted place mats from Amanda Soule's book The Creative Family. Sage being almost 5 was very into this project and Heidi and I were able to sit down periodically and just let the moment dictate what we'd paint. It was a fun exercise in spring thinking and a nice way to preserve the moment for the boys since paper art is a bit more apt to be destroyed at some point.


To keep with the spring theme we used bright and cheery fabric on the back. The front fabric is a poly blend that was in my stash. We used fabric paint rather than acrylic and painting canvas as Amanda does in her book. This is a fun way to mark seasonal celebrations or to just help involve your kids in the decorating of the table (maybe it will even encourage them to eat more? Who knows!)

My Life in Shoes

Getting an early birthday present led me to examine the shoes that I've had over the last 8 years. My life has gone through some pretty drastic changes in this time. I guess the last 8 years have brought me into adulthood. And it all began with hiking boots and a sunny stroll in a field.


These boots were a gift from my mom just before I moved out to British Columbia. I was proud of these boots. They signified my new life. A life of adventure, being an artist, hiking in the mountains, traveling to far off places and even marching for causes. They were the culmination of 4 years of Fine Arts education, feminist theory, and a renewed love and respect for nature. I don't consider myself much of a material possession obsessed girl but I remember taking a walk through a field on the farm I grew up on and looking down at these boots. The feeling running through me then was one of contentment and anticipation for my new adventure.


After several weeks in Vancouver without a single call from a coffee shop offering a job I tapped into an old dream. This dream left my hiking boots on the back burner and took my feet in an entirely new direction: Modeling. As I said, I had wanted to do this as a teenager and then had never pursued it. But opportunity knocked and I said yes please. So instead of hiking boots being the shoe defining my days it was high heels. I was now walking local runways, doing fashion photo shoots and having a great time. Some woman have difficulty walking in heels and I don't. I'm certainly not good at standing in them for hours on end but I can walk a 20 minute fashion show well. It was a great sense of accomplishment to be good at something that I dreamed of for countless years. Many circumstances led to modeling ending for me. My agent had hoped to get me modeling internationally but that was not meant to happen. And then my shoe selection changed too.


My Pumas! I saved up for these babies. And I've had them now for 4 years. So they were a great investment and are still the most expensive shoes I own. These shoes went to South Africa with Dave and I. They are comfortable, stylish and versatile. They represent a period of comfort to me. The days that Dave and I were in love and without obligations, the days leading up to our wedding and our honeymoon period, a time when I thought I was busy but really had SO much free time. They have transitioned well into the next phase of life too where comfortable and practical shoes are very important: Motherhood.


Here are the newest edition to my shoe arsenal. They allow for treks through suburban rain storms, muddy trails behind a stroller and most importantly jumping in rain puddles. Clothing and footwear have ceased to be primarily about style for me now. Action is what my shoes are about. Ease of use, comfort and fun. I want to have fun with Ky and jump and play and enjoy nature and these boots are perfect for this time of year in Vancouver. Since we don't get much snow here they will work throughout the winter and into spring as well. My life is now about the little guy more than me. My hiking boots are still in use from time to time, I wear my Pumas often, the high heels are used very rarely. So much so that my feet protest slightly and my back strains to remember the muscles used to stand in them. But I don't miss them that much everything has a season, especially shoes.