There are many more poetic names for April's moon: Pink moon, Sprouting Grass moon, Egg moon....but at this moment Restless is all I can call it. After two nights in a row of disturbed sleep, tossing, crying, calling out, strange dreams, I'm a little on the grumpy side.
This month has been great in terms of weather, we've planted some seeds, watched some grow bigger than their little pots, started soccer, singing and swimming. The boys have taken a cue from the seedlings and are growing and eating like crazy. The events in Boston, Texas and family emergencies have been overwhelming and emotional.
The fullness of this time of life comes up often. Full schedules, full heads, the fullness of life being reborn with the spring. I'm trying to take concrete steps to keep us flowing with this but the month has left both Dave and I and probably the boys too feeling tired and slow to adjust to the longer days of light.
My new artwork schedule has been put in place and is rewarding beyond words. Having set aside that time to just make art and let out the images or words that build up inside out of my head, along with a weekly yoga practice and time in nature feeds my soul. I feel like a more whole person; like the pieces of me that have been on the back burner have equal footing.
With this change comes transitions that are contributing to the restlessness though. Weaning Elliott, I remember it not being easy and overall it is going very well. But there is a certain cry he'll make at night when he really just wants to nurse but I've already given him his scant allotment of two short sessions and it is just so forlorn. It makes me so sad. That cry cuts right to my guts, pulling out guilt and sorrow for the baby stage that is soon to go and will never be seen again by us. It is really such a personal thing between him and I, a journey begun at his birth, somewhat of an extension of the pregnancy itself in that only the two of us share it. I can only hope that we are moving at a pace that is sensitive to his development and that once this season of our bond comes to an end it will fade into his unconscious like it did with his brother in such a way that Kyan has no memory of nursing beyond the physical closeness that we shared which he continues to experience through hugs and cuddles.
Change, transitions, new green, sprouts, sunshine, rain, restless birthing spring.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Three years later and Kyan's quilt is done. That took a bit longer than I had hoped but it feels great to see him sleeping underneath it at night. I learned quite a few things about quilting while making this; the biggest lesson being that the first step of cutting fabric is crucial to be mindful of. I don't have all the fancy quilt tools or lingo mastered and I'm not sure if I ever will. But I am satisfied by the end result and plan to make one for Elliott who will be on the bottom bunk, and a new summer quilt for our own bed (at some point)
While working on several projects the last few months I've decided to try and have one to two art projects and one home/gift sewing project coinciding. This seems to give me a rhythm to follow and the option to move from one to another in case I need a change or circumstances won't let me be in the sewing room to work. As my camera has gotten something on the lens my iphone pics is all I have to share the finished quilt. In the next few months I'll get a professional photo taken which will show the details much better.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
This March brought much sweetness to our days. Spending two weeks where I grew up with family and friends and trying to make maple syrup yet again. It seems that the sap doesn't flow just because I really, really want it to. But what the cold kept away the warmth of being surrounded by familiar people and the grounding nature of place filled up; not just for me of course but for my boys too.
When you live far away from the people who raised you, where your peers growing up, and know you in your first awkward and/or innocent versions it is surreal to return sometimes. I often feel a bit out of sorts trying to reconcile the me of the past with the me of now. But then you feel the old bonds, are taken care of in ways that speak more to your soul than to your rational mind and when I leave I feel full. Full of the energy of those who formed my sense of self, who shared years of memories and made the person I am now possible.
So while the cold temperatures were difficult for this west coast convert to accept, there is no mistaking the spring in my step and deep gratitude I feel for being able to go home again. And while we were away the youngest member of the family turned 2. Oh, goodness here he is, 2 already. I can't say that I wish he wasn't exactly where he is. This little ball of cuteness that is full of mischief and silly grins, I dare say he is most perfectly himself and that makes this spring all the brighter (and of course busy).
So the thing about March is that it was over in a flash and now we are in full on spring mode and there is so much to say, so much good art about, and so much life being lived. I can't help but feel optimism oozing out of everyone's pores. 2013 is quite a trip so far.