A December Collapse

Collapse is meant in a good way.  A crumple into sleep, the dark and rest.  After a busy first 3 weeks to the month is has been a nice change in these last few days of 2015 to revel in the longer mornings and extra sleep.

Our holidays have been nice, though I admit I was preoccupied by impending deadlines and keeping it all straight.  But as the year wanes it seems to make sense to have the good and stressful all mixed up since that was a theme of this year for me.

I don't feel that I have tons of observations other than the above at this point.  There is much I am looking forward in 2016.  One big thing is a gathering of ladies.  We are deciding to meet each full moon in a come as you are style.  These ladies are full of magic, we each come from different spiritual places but wish to share ritual and mark the passing of time.  This is a gift that my heart has longed for for some time.  I enter into it with no expectations other than a chance to acknowledge a part of me that has been dormant and needs some nurturing.

I send out many blessings to any who read this humble message for a happy new year, a year of discovery and growth.

Blessed Be.

January Dare

On the off chance that anyone is still reading here, I mean there hasn't been much to read in the last year but I am still here.  I've written posts in my mind but that does little good for the rest of you.  Here I am though.  And it feels good to be here, like I do in fact have something compelling me to write.
My lovely Heidi Joy bought me Nikki McClure's 2015 calendar.  Each month has a key word that works along with the image.  For January it is: Dare.  And so I'm daring myself to come back to this space and sit awhile.  To find where it fits into my world as it is now.

Our fall was very busy, and we traveled to my hometown for the holidays which was lovely.  Turning 37 this year has sent me for a bit of a tumble.  Oddly for one who has never really balked at the actual number of my age, 37 made me nervous and testy.  I've been working on why and it has something to do with melding two parts of myself.  My 20-something dreamer and my 30-something doer.  And if that is reminding you of a long ago post this is the one I talked about that comparison in. 

So here we are at the start of a new calendar year.  There is lots to talk about, think on and do.  I plan to share those things more regularly here because as it turns out I need this outlet now more than I have the past two sparser (in blog terms) years. I'll dust things off a bit in the next while and we'll go from there.

Eat more salad, Drink more water...

Happy New Year.

There are changes happening in everyone's lives... the change of the calendar always inspires new actions, resolutions, goals.  It's an arbitrary new beginning, but it never ceases to inspire many of us onward towards something different.  In past years I've listed goals in this space and I always create a small list to help my scattered dreamer mind focus as life rushes around me.
On Winter Solstice I sat for an hour by my altar and focused on goals, wrote down my dreams, meditated on what I could realistically expect from myself at this season of my life.

In truth the new year began for me sometime after Autumn Equinox of 2012.  I felt a new daring, energy that I may have never felt as concisely before in my life.  It was telling me to take chances, to step outside my comfort zones, to believe that I could make my life happen.

I've been a bit surprised with some of the realities of this new energy.  Balancing art making with homemaking is not easy.  Keeping it all in hand has brought countless opportunities to learn.  I've learned more about myself and my limits, learned about how much I can expect from others, gosh more lessons than I've even completely absorbed at this point.  

Over the years this blog has been a repository for whatever my mind and soul felt compelled to share.  That is changing as I endeavor towards new territory in my career and eventually with my spiritual work and home life.  For now things will look much the same but when my website launches sometime this year (not putting too much pressure on myself in terms of dates) I will be moving my creative and art musings to a new blog connected to the site.  This blog will remain my personal journey with my family and for more directly pagan writings, although my artwork and spirituality are very closely tied so we'll have to see how that develops.  This new direction is exciting and feels very right for this moment.

And speaking of this moment or tonight to be exact I'm thrilled to announce that I'm in an art show.  It is a group juried show with the theme of Earth.  I worked away during October to produce a quilted piece and was just beside myself when I was accepted.  Details for the show can be found here.

So this is a new year, and a new world for me filled new horizons to explore.  I feel along way from art school and a bit out of my element but that is what challenges are all about.  So to tie my title into this post I have many aspirations for this year, two are as simple as eat more salad and drink more water, others are as complicated as find concrete time for creating and forging new working relationships in the art world.   But they are all open and fresh and offer many adventures down the road.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

so fresh and so clean

Through the fun that is pinterest I found a challenge that over 11,000 people have decided to join.  And for the first time in my search for help in this area I've found a step-by-step organization guide that makes sense to me.  The 52 Weeks to an Organized Home Challenge is following a schedule that I can manage (I think) and I already began week one today.  The kitchen is the starting point and  week one focuses on the counters.  Clearing them of things that don't need to be there and keeping them as clear as possible once you have decided what functions the kitchen serves in your home.  For us the kitchen is about food prep, storage and my mini life control center.
I think for many out there the advice on keeping the kitchen clean or organized may seem so logical that it doesn't need to be noted.  When it comes to my artistic, dreamy and some would say flaky mind these things are not so obvious and bare repeating.
I'm glad to have found this and just looking at my kitchen counters now I see that they are more enticing to me to cook on now that they have less stuff on them.
In other new year news I've finished up two projects and I'm excited to move on to finishing up a few more things before I get back to Ky's quilt and start the Memory Keeper piece for 2012.  Perhaps the New Moon energy would better suit the pace of these days rather than the full moon that shines on us tonight but I'm pleased none-the-less to be getting things accomplished.  2011 often felt like my feet were in mud and I was moving really slow.  Being in the land of baby will do that to anyone I suppose.
I didn't take a before shot of my counters but if you read my last post there is enough proof that this looks way better.

   

disheveled

The key to my days these past two weeks has been to just breathe...that is when I wasn't coughing.  For someone who rarely gets colds this one that made its way through the whole family decided to linger with me far longer than I've liked.  Since we were so busy with birthdays, Yule and engagement and wedding festivities it has been lingering and has made my days feel oh so disheveled.  And while our home is starting to improve it too is painfully disheveled.

Because of course what our home needs is a complete overhaul.  But I am determined not to subject the boys to constant home time, so we must deal with the mess.  In small increments I'm putting away.  I don't want things thrown about in a desperate dash for perceived order.  Rather I'd like to know that things have a place and that they made it there when my head was as clear as possible so that I remember where they are.  I feel like this entire month will be about slowly getting things moving towards a new normal.  Kyan starts his winter classes next week (pre-school and a sports class) and I'm on a mission to finish several projects from 2011 before taking on my 2012 sewing projects.  The quiet of winter seems to be helping in my healing from the cold, allowing myself a slow pace at organizing and finishing projects one by one.  Lots of tea is helping a lot too.

is it over yet?

Even though we are only a week and a day away from the Autumnal Equinox I find myself looking forward to Samhain and the turning of the wheel.  The "official" new year is still months away but this year is wearing on our family a bit.  2011 will be forever momentous as the year of Elliott's birth,  a wonderful day but even on that day sickness was with us.  We've (or more specifically Dave and Kyan) have had quite a year for illness.  In 2010 I strove to increase our health and for much of the year we were healthy.  Near the end though things started grabbing us and we spent each month of this year except July with some sort of cold, infection or stomach upset.  And I'm done with it.  I, like most parents I'm sure don't do well with illness.  Colds are tolerable but stomach things and fevers and infections....blah.  I can't help but go over all the things I didn't get done or should have maintained etc. in the land of what if's.  What if I'd given us better food this week?  What if I'd cleaned that sink sooner?  I know I can't blame myself and that sickness is a normal part of living and of being.  But I can't help but wonder how such a healthy child for his first two years has had such a bad third, riddled with illness.  Unlucky, or maybe it's just how years progress ebbing and flowing with health and illness.  Also as I write this I have a profound thankfulness for the fact that each of these sicknesses has been a virus or bacterial infection and we have not had to battle something more serious.  For the courageous parents that face severe disease in their family I salute you all.  One day at a time, one hour, one minute...the parenting motto that never stops being true.

Also this week I am so relieved about this,

Worried about this and still thinking about how good this was.

I've got some chicken soup starting on the stove and hope to be back in this space by the weekend if not before.

Spiritually speaking.... a new year & year in review

2010 spread with my Sacred Circle deck

2010 was low-key in terms of my spiritual path.  The celebrations I attended or organized were simple and some like Spiral Dance were included more out of habit than by a distinct calling.  As I mentioned briefly in my previous post I try not to be hard on myself about my lack of focus in that area since my life right now is very mama focused.  When I felt called to do something I made the time and otherwise I let life just flow from day-to-day trying to keep each moment as connected as possible to the bigger picture.

My one serious personal ritual was making the herbal amulets made for my parents.  I had a lovely walk on Imbolc and  had fun with the kids on Spring Equinox.  Beltaine was not really on the radar this year, Summer Solstice was spent in nature with friends.  Lughnasad  saw me at the height of morning sickness and moving prep.  Autumn Equinox was spent outdoors in the leaves with friends and attending feasts.  Samhain was introspective and Yule was peaceful.

My personal yearly tarot read was different this year as I used a new set of cards for the first time.   The Wheel of the Year spread was what I used, a twelve card circle spread which is great for looking at individual pieces of your life and how they combine to form a whole.  There was a lot of fire energy in the cards, some earth and a little bit of air carrying over from the 2010 spread.  My overall impression was very literal in terms of rebirth as a mother and as a family unit.  It also pointed to lots of internal work which makes sense to me since I seem to remember from Ky's babyhood being very introspective from all the late night feeding sessions.  You are awake enough to feed the babe but still hazy from lack of sleep so you tend to stay in a more internal, thoughtful state. 

With the new baby set to arrive around Equinox this year I hope to have the ambition to celebrate both Imbolc and Spring's arrival.   Once we get mobile I intend to explore our mountain with my boys and make spending outdoor time a huge priority.  Being outdoors, making artwork and caring for my family are the most "pagan" parts of my life right now.  Caring for my family being all the homemaking and celebrating we do, even budgeting and running errands.  Being connected to spirit for me is very much about being present these days.  Meditating behind closed doors is not a huge priority nor is continuing the trance work I was doing more of in 2009.  I think those things will come back to me but for now they are not compelling me towards making time for them.  Looking at something I've created that is being used by my family is very rewarding and the snippets of time that I spend sewing give me a great sense of joy.  It can be about the little things and I'm grateful for that.

a new year

As each year passes on this journey of mine I find myself greeting the new year in different ways.  In looking over my goals from last year I kept things simple and left the specifics for some other year.   That ended up being a good decision for me and us since small steps were taken which of course led to other paths not foreseen in the initial ideas.


Food and health were a huge component.  We established routines and some stuck while others faded away.  I wouldn't say in the end that 2010 was a particularly active year for us since the gym membership was abandoned, yoga on my own was sporadic at best until my prenatal class in the fall, and we certainly took fewer family walks than we had the previous year.   But we made a huge move towards eating more holistically.  I journeyed to almost vegetarianism and then back to a full meat eater.  Dave began eating meat after a decade of vegetarianism and noticed a marked difference in his health.  Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats changed my perspective on food preparation and began an at times overwhelming endeavor to eat with digestion and optimal nutrient absorption in mind. 

I took small steps towards being more pro-active in maintaining our health and avoiding sickness which we managed pretty well.  One stomach virus plagued us all, and Ky had a few brief colds and fevers but overall I'd say we made it through 2010 with little illness. 

Kyan joined the ranks of the potty trained, no longer breastfeeding big boys in big boy beds.  We indulged his love of singing and introduced him to more structured play environments in the community, while at the same time giving him plenty of space to evolve his personality and imagination organically.

Personally I kept up with writing as best I could and I did complete some art goals as well.  Making a picnic blanket, completing an art for art's sake piece,  and making gifts and home projects.  Pregnancy was planned and welcomed despite it taking its usual toll on me in the first trimester.  Moving was exciting and stressful but so worth the effort in the end.

As is so often the case for me with spiritual matters my practice fell by the wayside way too often.  Having young children does not aide me in this but I make the sacrifice without too much regret because I know it will come back.  I know that I will have more "me" time in every aspect when my children are older.  I see my crone self rising each morning to yoga, meditation and self-reflection.  Being an artist, writer and having a daily practice.  I will have those things in their time.  I plan on sharing more about my spiritual goals later this week along with my yearly tarot spread which I managed to do yesterday.  Yah!

I welcome this year with optimism and a serious re-organizing bug derived from nesting hormones and the completion of construction work in our storage room.  These next few weeks before our second son's birth will go by so quickly and I find myself trying to savor it being "just the three of us" while also feeling a sense that our family will be complete once this guy makes his big entrance.  I'm so grateful for the expansion of our family with a healthy nephew joining us and my parent's health being more stable.  And I am ever grateful for this space and the inspiration of the friends I've made here.  Having this little piece of me is always grounding and rewarding beyond measure.  Happy 2011 friends.  May it be your best one yet.

Art of the Month: December

I want to share some of the lovely gifts both received and given this month.  I feel so privileged to be around so many creative women and talented artists.  Fostering this creative spirit in Kyan is a joy to me.  I don't structure our art sessions much yet as he is only 3, but when he sees me painting or drawing he asks to do it too and that says to me that he sees merit in it and enjoys the process of creation.  Our gray skies have cleared up and so we've got sunshine but it has brought with it much colder temperatures.  Well, much colder for the west coast anyway.  I can't believe that the New Year is upon us.  I hope to fit in my yearly tarot card spread this weekend.  Usually I do it in November around my birthday but I didn't fit it in then.   I hope to share a bit about this tradition with you in the new year.  I stole the idea from Heidi Joy many years ago and it never ceases to amaze me how looking back over the year and reading the results of the spread reveals so much about what occurred.  And now for some of the results of gift giving and receiving.

 Kyan's crown that I showed in progress in this post.  I can't say he has warmed up to it yet but it's there for whenever his future self is inclined to be king-like.

I received this lovely Soul Sister from my wonderful friend Sarah who is journeying with me through pregnancy at this time.

 Some handmade pot holders from Heidi Joy.  Such a lovely combination of fabrics....I almost hesitate to use them.  And below is the finished doll house.  Ky has played with it and I just have to make some cushions for the sofa and some blankets and pillows for the dolls.

 And I put these drawstring bags together to house a bamboo game of Tic Tac Toe and the blue bag has a good luck charm in the pocket.  Drawstring bags are useful for holding so many little things together whether for child's toys, for traveling or any type of storage.  I'm contemplating making some to just have on hand out of odd ends of fabric.  Maybe after the thousand or so other projects I have in the cue.  This year has been a success for many projects and I've had a blast getting some started, a few finished and dreaming about all the rest.  In a few short months my life will be graced with yet one more distraction from this work that I love but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.  And the days that I devote to the new baby will be brief in the grand scheme of life and I'll get back to a semi-regular sewing/creating schedule eventually.  May 2011 be fruitful for you in whatever you choose to create.  Happy New Year.