A December Collapse

Collapse is meant in a good way.  A crumple into sleep, the dark and rest.  After a busy first 3 weeks to the month is has been a nice change in these last few days of 2015 to revel in the longer mornings and extra sleep.

Our holidays have been nice, though I admit I was preoccupied by impending deadlines and keeping it all straight.  But as the year wanes it seems to make sense to have the good and stressful all mixed up since that was a theme of this year for me.

I don't feel that I have tons of observations other than the above at this point.  There is much I am looking forward in 2016.  One big thing is a gathering of ladies.  We are deciding to meet each full moon in a come as you are style.  These ladies are full of magic, we each come from different spiritual places but wish to share ritual and mark the passing of time.  This is a gift that my heart has longed for for some time.  I enter into it with no expectations other than a chance to acknowledge a part of me that has been dormant and needs some nurturing.

I send out many blessings to any who read this humble message for a happy new year, a year of discovery and growth.

Blessed Be.

Delving Deeper

It is quite a miraculous thing that we humans change.  That just as we think it's all figured out everything breaks into a million pieces.  And we stand somewhat stunned and left to contemplate whether our ideas were illusions or simply a part of becoming more ourselves.
My journey as a spiritual being has followed many such paths of self exploration.  From the ground breaking discovery of my core as a pagan - through feminism and Goddess based art, to my years sharing circles and building ritual space and then having to reject that destination as I lost my way.
Though I have identified strongly with beliefs that I can only categorize as pagan I also feel at times inadequate using the word.  Reading blogs, listening to podcasts, and seeing the work of others makes me see my own failings, and creates a reluctance inside as to how to proclaim my values.
I think I could approach this hesitation in a myriad of ways: take classes, read more books, spend more time in community for in the flesh experiences.  I could seek outside myself and I do.
But in the end what good would that accomplish me if I ended up as I was before, at a dead end that felt painful to retreat from and left me aimless for a time?
Actually I think I am still aimless to a degree but slowly the answers I seek are coming to me.  They are deep inside, they were always there.  I don't think I have them all by any means.  But they are from my core.  They resonate at a level that I can hear.  I can wrap my arms around them and feel their truth.
On June's full moon I found a spell/dream board that I had created for myself around 12 years ago.  Reading it inspired a rather stream of consciousness recording of my core beliefs.  They are the basis for all that spirit means to me.  These words trace a line for me to follow along my spiral.  They do not require a buzzword label but still, to me they are undoubtedly pagan.

CONNECTION
-to self: my body, my dreams, my spirit & soul, yoga
-to earth: hiking, gardening, traveling, defending, honoring
-to all living creatures: respect, service, place in the cycle
-to those I love: nurturing, trust, giving, receiving
-to the universe: order, chaos, ancestors, guides

CREATIVITY
-to produce: art, craft, garden
-to channel: messages, ideas
-to nurture: learn, read, gather
-to share: art, ritual, celebration

CYCLES/FOUNDATIONS
seasons, moons, aging/growing, elements, nature, food

This list will evolve I'm sure.  Be fleshed out, with some things being given more time and energy depending on the time and place.  It is a starting point that feels authentic and raw which feels just where I need to be right now.
(My series on Commitment is an addendum to this piece.  It speaks to the practical side of these values and how I am processing this information as I work to bring it through.)

Veiling: My Thoughts

Dave and I, July 29, 2006

The controversy over recent months regarding veiling in the pagan community has been very interesting.  I'm not sure why it has been such a "hot topic."  It seems whenever a woman chooses to dress a certain way lots of people have opinions about that.  Personally I support an informed choice to dress however a person chooses to.  From culture to culture there are numerous examples of women veiling for religious, cultural and personal reasons.  From modesty, to devotion to ones gods, and then of course we have the forced veiling of women for control under men.  Pagan women like the ones quoted in this article are adopting this practice for diverse reasons, all of them stemming from informed choice.  I see this choice as thoughtful and subjective and for myself at this time not one I'm making.

Thinking about this topic has left me with two comparisons in my own life to experiences with veiling or not.  The most obvious one being for my marriage.  When I wed Dave I made my wedding dress and we had our ceremony outside.  When it came to what to wear on my head I chose not to wear a veil.  The casual aspect of our day and the style of my dress just didn't fit with a veil to me.  Also I wanted to feel open to the universe as I made my vow.  My hair flowed down my back and I work a sparkling silver headband of blue flowers.  I did now know it then but my choice was more in keeping with Anglo Saxon tradition of flowing hair and a crown of flowers since the current fashion of veils was ushered into vogue by Queen Victoria.

The first time I used a veil during trance work went very well.  It was encouraged as part of a Baba Yaga meditation and I found it much easier to journey that way.  Perhaps it was the covering of my crown chakra that helped.  I was able to look internally easier.  I felt more cut off from those around me and able to quiet ego and chatty internal dialogue.

Using a scarf or wrap in this way is very helpful in such work.  I think it encourages quiet and self reflection.  It can be likened to a horse with blinders on, keeping you focused on the task ahead or in this case inside.

Also I have read that head covering can help with keeping other people's energy from overwhelming you in public.  Again I think it helps to keep you from being open, or too psychically exposed so to speak.  In that way veils are a useful tool spiritually just like tarot cards or an altar cloth; serving a specific purpose to meet a  need in practice.

The cultural impact of practicing veiling in public is more complex and can lead to one being mistaken for another type of religious follower.  Since this choice is one that requires maturity and thoughtfulness I'd hope that anyone doing it in public would have the self assurance to take any misinterpretations in stride.  As pagan culture continues to develop and mature we will face many more new/old practices that will challenge our preconceived ideas of what and who we are collectively and as individuals.

Unity - a ritual blessing

Whether working in a formal Wiccan coven, pagan outreach group or a family circle it is always a positive experience to solidify bonds and join together from time to time to re-affirm connection.
Unity is more than just a noun or a buzzword.  We need to nurture it, feed it and give it room to grow our roots together.

I wrote this blessing 8 years ago and it was spoken at Summer Solstice.  As always it can be adapted to suit whatever situation is unique to your path.  My only recommendation would be to use it when the moon is from new to full.

A Blessing to Encourage Unity

On this Midsummer day of lasting light as we sit beside the sea
Let us bind our souls,
Let us bond our hearts,
Let us set our minds.

have everyone dip their hands in water passing a bowl, cloth or sprinkling the water over each participant

With this water from the sea
We ask for the gift of truth

circulate again with incense, a feather or an air symbol

With this incense which mingles with the air
We ask for the gift of honor

have everyone grasp some sand or rub their hands with it

With this sand from the strong earth
We ask for the gift of respect

at this point everyone can join hands side by side in a circle or each put one hand in to the center like when you do a cheer 

As our hands are bound
So are our hearts, souls and minds
A bond of spirit
A bond of love
Empowered through truth, honor and respect.
Blessed be.

Thankful

It is with a thankful heart that I look back on our celebration of Autumn's arrival this year.

Gathered in a garden in the middle of the city we looked at art that was inspired by the earth.

I am thankful for stone, wood, red leaves, friends and family to share blessings with and the abundance all around us.

Thankful for good food, time to laugh and darker mornings.  Although I feel a bit fatigued from the change now as the light shifts us to a more quiet time of year, even though it gets busier despite the growing dark.

Staying Solitary?

My journey on this path has shifted over the 13 years I've been walking it.  From gathering information to joining an eclectic circle of women to heading out on my own.  The heading out on my own part just happened to coincide with having my children.  And so the life of a solitary practitioner has been spotty for me.  I've done ritual, worked in trance and gathered with others to celebrate, honour and feast.  I have set goals and met them, but often not met them.  This has been a matter of priority setting for me.  It has been my choice to put my family first and so my spiritual practice has taken a backseat many times.
As I emerge from babyland to a place where my children are more independent from my care things are shifting.  And although my tunnel still feels long at times there is a beacon there.  
I have heard others recently describing their religious work in a group and their spiritual practice alone.  I'm still abrasive to the word religion for many reasons but I understand the desire to make the distinction between work done in a group and alone.
As the years move on I understand more about the ebbs and flows of life.  What I am coming to realize is that the initial aspects of paganism that compelled me to call myself a pagan are changing.  I see this as a natural evolution as I become more and more in tune with my inner self.  And as these shifts occur I find that my desire to understand interests and origins grows.  I have never thought of myself as a seeker in the sense of how the word is used around the pagan community these days.  But where I may go in the future to deepen my understanding may bring me to work with other pagan groups.  By other I mean Druidry and Nordic faiths.  All of my group work has been in Wiccan based faiths, some very eclectically so.   I will take the next few years to do more reading, understand fully where I have come from and then decide where to go from there.
I think the "teacher" or "teachers" I may seek will present themselves at the moment they are meant to.  For now I feel comfort in the idea that this path will swerve around and bring me places I can't imagine for myself when the time is right and when I can make this part of my life more prominent again.  

a Quarters call

I wrote this for an esbat many moons ago.   It jumped into my mind's eye when Q came up this week for the Pagan Blog Project.

As the sun rises in the east

we call the properties of air to form the circle

Fly to us on Raven wings

As the sun warms the south

we call the properties of fire to form the circle

Travel to us on a sun ray, warm us as you warm the snake

As the sun sets in the west

we call the properties of water to form the circle

Swim to us with the noble turtle

As the sun sometimes never sets in the north

we call the properties of earth to form the circle

Run to us beside the majestic polar bear

As our center shines with our internal sun

we call the properties of spirit to form the circle

Bind us together with the grace of nature's energy

the circle is cast, we are between the worlds,

blessed be

Pregnancy: reflections on growing two souls

Before I begin I'd like to share that I'm going to focus on the positive aspects of my two pregnancies in this post.  I want to make that clear because I felt guilty often while I was pregnant for not enjoying every part of it.  But in the interest of being honest about my experience for any woman yet to travel that path it was not all roses.  There is lots of magic in creating new humans but also lots of challenges and it is okay to not love all of it all the time.

I take the concepts of "know thyself" and "your body is your temple" as close to heart as I can.  They are a pillar in the fundamentals of my spirituality.  That is why as a pagan I feel immensely overwhelmed at times by the awesome power that nature has in the creation of life.  It amazes me to plant a seed and see it turn into a seedling and then a vegetable which I can eat.  I am amazed by the will of life, by how fragile it is, how particular and also how random it tends to be.  And so the fact that two human beings have lived inside me and were created by two of my eggs and my partner's sperm still blows my mind.  Nature is magnificent.

When I was the home to these two souls there were many crazy and emotional moments.  When I was in the moment it was very much about staying there.  With my first pregnancy, Kyan's, I remember rushes of energy.  My blood moving through my veins faster than usual.  Feeling attuned with everything around me, feeling a part of a bigger plan and power.  I was very grounded while he was with me.  I slept deeply and did not dream.  I felt round and earthy and rooted.  Interestingly he is an earth sign.  And having the pulse of that inside me did alter how I saw things for those 9 months.  I was always warm no matter the temperature.  I set up an alter dedicated to growing and fertility and motherhood as I imagined it to be.   I read this book, I read many more on breastfeeding, childbirth and mothering.  I took a spiritually focused pre-natal class and I searched for pagan books or articles relating to rituals during pregnancy(and didn't find much).  And I read hundreds of birth stories from women in all walks of life.

With Elliott's pregnancy there was little that was the same.  Having a different soul inside was indeed different.  He was born a water sign and that is the same as my own.  That made a huge difference.  He told me early on that he was a boy.  I dreamed intense and deeply.  His name was called out by a mother at a playground and was instantly the only boy name he could have.  I felt the desire to make art often which surprised me because my first pregnancy had taken all desire to create anything other than the baby away.  I kept things simple and celebrated Imbolc with his arrival a month and 16 days away.  There was less time to feel the magic in my body but there was also always someone there to share it with me.  A little hand on my belly outside and in.  Two souls, two lives to unfold around me.

The temple of my body grew my sons and now will create new ideas and new plans for me.  I know myself enough to feel that I will not again experience pregnancy's magic.  What a glorious gift it is, what a complex and ancient wisdom that it holds.  

Pagan Podcasts Revisited

Three years ago I wrote a post about the Pagan Podcasts that I was listening to at the time.  And I thought I should share a few more as well as point out that I have a page dedicated to all the podcasts I listen to above.  I love podcasts.  They are very practical for busy people and there are just so many things that I've gained from listening.  Way too many to list here.  But for those who are new to paganism or even veterans who haven't listened yet I urge you to give it a try.  Many of the podcasts I started listening to are now no longer podcasting but as all of us who frequent the internet know sometimes things endure and sometimes they fade away.  But the benefits certainly outweigh not giving it a try.  And if you don't find one that you like right away keep trying because there are tons out there.  Here is a list and short description of my current favorites in no specific order.

Druidcast - Damh the Bard hosts this cast put out by the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids once a month.  This cast has music, interviews, lectures and giveaways.   I have learned lots about Druidry with this cast and there are times when the music has been otherworldly good.

The Wigglian Way - Hosted by Mojo and Sparrow this podcast is a hometown favorite for me.  This show is full of personality and fun.  I like that the hosts are not afraid to be real.  I'm not a Wiccan like these two nor am I a Druid but listening to the experiences of other pagans walking their paths is very enriching for me.

Digging Nordic Roots - with Kari Tauring and friends has only two episodes but I really hope more are produced.  I am fascinated with Kari and her work with Runes.  So fascinated that I found her book and bought it.  You may notice a theme here that each cast deals with a different tradition and covers a wide spectrum of the pagan experience.  That is the beauty of this community - so much to learn and delve into.

Elemental Castings - T. Thorn Coyle's journey through the elements of life.  Each podcast centers on an element and then Thorn and her guest discuss how that element relates to their work, path and life.  Often Thorn will also share recordings of the panels she participates in when she travels to spiritual conferences around the world.

The Pagan Homesteader - If you love gardening, animals, Permaculture and homesteading then check this one out.  Rhianna Stone shares the goings on of her homestead, interviews, heritage animals and folktales.  This is about living life pagan rather than focusing solely on the spiritual side.

This is really the tip of the iceberg in pagan podcast land but have a look out there and find what suits you.  These podcasters put out their work for free and deserve our support.  What a resource for us all.  Please add any pagan podcast that you can't live without and why in the comments for all to find.

Ocean Ritual

As a water sign I feel compelled to visit and connect with my element often.  It can be as simple as standing beside a stream or feeling the rain on my skin; but sometimes I need a bit more.  A few years ago I wrote this ritual for a friend and I to do together while camping on a lovely island in the Pacific ocean.  As two depleted mamas you can imagine what we were asking for from the waves but anyone needing to connect to water could use this ritual and adapt it as necessary.

We sat in the ocean in sacred space, the tide was coming in which created a beautiful movement for us.  Rocking us gently.  I would recommend being as close to the water as you can when you do this.  Summer is of course a great time to be immersed in cleansing waves.

Before beginning ground and center in which ever manner you are accustomed to.  Cast a circle if that is your normal practice or if the circumstances are favorable for it.

The Water holds our emotions
we ask for cleansing
we ask for healing
we ask for rest
we ask for calm
we ask for release

Great Mother Ocean please share with us your wisdom and strength
Please help us as we mother
help us to flow and move like the waves
help us to soothe others but not deplete ourselves

After these words evoke a rhythm with singing or chanting.  We sang the song in this post which I wrote years ago.  But any song or chant about water will work.

Great Mother we offer you ___________ today and thank you for your love and abundance.  
Blessed Be.

Though this is short and simple we sat for over an hour in the waves.  Connecting with the water and it's healing powers is the key. 

Out of Doors

 Summer Solstice beach fire (with the moon above and waves crashing) 

The wind was also very strong that night.

There really is nothing like being outside.  And by that I mean in fresh air, under the sky, and on earth that can be felt under your feet.  Attending ritual within nature's cathedral enhances my senses and often I feel a link to centuries past, a time when being in nature was our nature; when we couldn't shield ourselves from inconvenient weather because our indoor options were few and far between.  Certainly the soft breeze and warm sunshine of spring and summer, the crisp air and slight chill in fall, and the mild cold and soft snowfall of winter are the ideal settings to share sacred space in, but what happens when the temperature drops suddenly or the day is full of thunder and lightening...well, it can't be helped.
My philosophy with the weather is to tough it out as often as I can.  I do this not because I'm a masochist but because I want to acknowledge my humble place on this globe and push myself beyond my comfort zone.
Rituals are not a huge part of my practice right now but as all ebbs and flows I know they will become more prominent as I gain more "me" time.  Also my interests are changing.  My spiritual inspirations are shifting and that will change what ritual means to my practice, but the being outside connection is a constant regardless.

 A lovely Beltaine day making wands by a lake on a mossy patch

I was just listening to episode 103 of The Wigglian Way and they played a song by Lady Isadora called Drawing Down the Moon and these lyrics fit perfectly with my theme today:

 

"Gather in secret if you must
But do not tarry overlong behind closed doors
For it is in the richness of the Earth
And the boundlessness of the Sky
That My true Temple is to be found
And the Moon and Sun and Stars
Will keep your secrets.
Look for Me within these things
But above all within your own souls
For it is there I am
And beyond..."

 

A cold Winter Solstice fire.  

My dad built this in -10 degree Celcius temps.

And though you can't see the rain here Elliott's naming ritual was a wet one.

In my memories of these rituals and many others that I didn't have photos to share, the weather whether it was lovely or not stamped a mark.  That is the beauty to being connected in sacred space to the earth's many faces.  You remember the cold or the soft breeze,  how wet you were from the rain or how the candles were melting from a scorching sun. All this makes that time about more than words and deity or spells but also about our humanity, and our interconnectedness with this holy earth that is our home.

Poem of the Month: Nuance

Nuance

Shadows are there 

fallen, strewn, cast about

this path is not smooth

this path twists

back and forth

your way is not clear through

this path brings thorns

blood dripping a trail behind

one drop for each test endured

ahead is somewhat mottled 

nuances of colour

grey upon shades of grey

stars shine above you

the earth firm below

this path is yours

but you are not alone

this path brings rest and sustenance

this path takes courage

but rewards with truth

simple as it is complex

bringing strength of heart

Book of the Month: Moon Mysteries

I was lucky enough to win a copy of this fantastic book last year.  Written by Nikiah Seeds and Nao Sims and illustrated by Eyan Myers this book celebrates an intimate side of womanhood, our menses.
Moon Mysteries: Reclaiming Women's Menstrual Wisdom takes the reader through 13 months/moons and features personal reflections from each author as well as historical and spiritual associations with different aspects of our menstrual cycles.
From our connection to the tides to our relationship with motherhood and our sexual partners this book is designed to be a workbook with custom charts for filling in and recording moon phases and emotions throughout our monthly rhythms.
Moon Mysteries is a journey helping us to honour something that our culture has come to denigrate making us in turn do the same.  Celebrating, writing in journals, taking time to acknowledge the changes that your body goes through each month all of that and much more is possible in this book's pages.
I love how each chapter is named by a themed moon as so many cultures have done for millions of years.  The Green Witch Moon, Blood Moon, Dreaming Moon, Serpent Moon - so much lovely imagery for the soul.  And speaking of imagery for the soul Eyan Myer's illustrations are stunning and invoke magic for the reader.
Although the book is not specifically pagan it speaks to the deep magic of ancestral devotion and the spiritual side of living.  I would recommend it for any thoughtful woman's library as a treasure to read through again and again.

The Lark: hear your sacred song

For some reason for a year before I became pregnant with my first son I was entranced with several different  plants, animals and other magical messengers.  I was very open to noticing the signs around me at the time.  And I had the time to not only notice but delve deeper into the messages they were imparting.
One of my messengers was the Lark.  The name stood out to me and the bird began to sneak into my world.  I have no idea if I've ever seen this bird in person, and I've never had a dream of one either.  The lark just sticks with me as a word that makes me smile and an inner connection to something quiet but compelling.

Just to clarify the Western Meadowlark and the Lark are two separate genus of the bird family.  I have looked into both.  There are several varieties of Lark in Australia and Europe.  Only one variety the Horned Lark has spread to North America.  As a totem the Lark is said to herald the importance of sound, music and voice.  The bird is associated with the Heather plant and will awaken you inner sacred song.  Chaucer called the lark the busy messenger of day and most often the lark is associated with the early bird saying.

The Meadowlark has both an eastern and western version and is a "New World" species.  As a totem this bird is said to mean a cheerful journey inward revealing intuition and innate abilities.  Meadowlarks are valuable to have in your fields as a natural insect remover and is the State bird of six U.S. states including: Oregon, Montana and Nebraska.  The Eastern and Western Meadowlarks are most distinguishable from their songs.

Whether in the magical or mundane world this bird is another wonder of the Goddess' creatures to behold.

Lessons abound

When I think of spiritual seekers who make sacrifices and climb the ladder of enlightenment my mind creates a visual:  nuns, monks, long robes, simple and unadorned they move through life in quiet contemplation.  Often a family is not in the picture, deadlines, money concerns, filling the car with gas and shopping for groceries,  those things are not in the forefront of my spiritual seeker's life.  Instead they are meditating on a mat each morning, reading ancient texts, and praying before each meal.  A daily practice is second nature.  Whether or not this person or these people actually exist is another story.  This is an image that my soul shows to me when I question my path.  It offers the opposite to what I have now as a more pious option.

You can't let go of your ego and wipe runny noses and cook dinner...
You don't have time to have a daily spiritual routine...
Your life is not part of the big world picture... 


My soul likes to send me messages of doubt.  Years ago in Soul Mates by Thomas Moore this lesson struck a cord with me.  The soul always craves the opposite of what it has.  So despite my life's mission of raising my kids and relishing in the chance to be with them all day when they are little I crave something different.  Part of my soul longs for solitude, peaceful moments to reflect and seek truths.

I think the collective mindset regarding living a spiritual life is skewed.  We look at 40 days fasting in the desert as an ideal trial.  Searching for answers in sacrifice of daily life and isolation from loved ones as a defining test of dedication to the Gods.  But what about standing in your life, the stuff of life and doing it at the same time?
What about looking in your child's eyes and trying to figure out what they need in this moment, seeing them for the bright spirit they are and giving your self for their betterment.  Therein lies an ultimate test of piety.  There have probably always been spiritual men and women who have sacrificed a family of their own for the care of the tribe.  They could not dedicate time to their own offspring when they were needed to help others in their lives.  But in many cultures the holy men also were fathers.  My above vision is a newer idea of spiritual life.  Men and women were not always expected to give up family for a life of service to their religion.

This topic is much bigger than I can tackle here in this moment.  But what occurred to me as I was trying to get Elliott to sleep the other night is that no spiritual trial could challenge me more than this work I'm doing.  My ego rears itself often as I shake my fist at the universe.  Can't the baby just sleep for 2 hours straight, must I pick up these crayons again today, who are these little men that I care for day after day?

This work is my fasting in the desert.

My quiet contemplation is done in literal seconds.  Tiny snippets when both boys are content and occupied.  The adventure that is parenting is a trial by fire, you see many of your worst traits reflected in the faces of little ones that look to you for their very survival.  I will never seek transcendence in a cave in Tibet, a hermit in self inflicted isolation, rather I look for my truth in the shining eyes of two little boys every single day and know that this moment is all I have and I'm grateful for the chance to live this way.

spiritual Kinship

kinship - relationship by nature or character; affinity

Along the winding path that has brought me to this moment in my spiritual journey I have been fortunate to find many kin.  None have been blood relations but our bond has been from a common nature, character or interest.  We have sought together, looking inward while using each other as sounding boards for the next step to take.  Sharing books, information and the planning of rituals.  Challenging directions, supporting changes and many times letting go of hopes of similar outcomes.

Each woman that has joined me on this path has met me in a place of openness and I have tried to hold that space with her with an open heart.  You'll notice I say woman and that is because as of yet my practice has not included direct interaction with men.  This was a fairly deliberate choice.  One that can be fleshed out a bit more here if you are so inclined.   In the future I see that that could be different for me but since I am not a seeker right now it remains only one possibility of many.

 I feel fortunate that from several of my close girlfriends spiritual bonds evolved.  And despite geographical distance we ventured down similar paths in search of our truths.  Certainly most of our twenties were about this journey.   Who am I?  What am I looking for in this life?  To have companions as you search is truly a blessing.

Rarely the magic of the circle cast and the trust built from years of planning and carrying out ritual cemented friendship.  The kinship here was made slowly, fermented like a good wine and required patience and devotion to reach it's unique maturity.

Working together, falling apart, trying again or calling it quits.  There have been so many ebbs and flows as the kin have changed through this process.  They all retain special places and memories, sometimes sighs of regret but all lessons were important to the journey at hand.  

This post is about how integral the kinship of the women pictured here and some who are not have been to my path.  How their teachings and love have influenced me beyond measure and made their lasting patina on where my soul rests today.  Coming together in perfect love and trust is a risk that requires a leap of faith.  There are rarely road maps to direct you through the waves of life and spiritual practice as they crash on the shore.   But the bonds breathe and flex, twist and stretch.  I am grateful for each of you, near or far for all you have been and continue to be in this spiral dance.   

Kitchen Altar

Since moving to our new home almost 2 years ago I have wanted to erect a small altar in my kitchen.  Besides the obvious reason of honouring the seasons and deity, I wanted this to be a reminder of what my time in the "center of our home" means to me each moment I am there.  And the thing is I'm there most of the time.  I make about 5 meals a day in there.  Sure at times it's as simple as cutting cheese and assembling a plate of crackers, or boiling water for tea, but each of those actions is a work of spirit for me.  Feeding myself and my family is a work of devotion, sometimes toil, sometimes pleasure.  I hear the hum of the fridge motor, feel steam rising from soup, and move through ritual after ritual of cutting, kneading, measuring and stirring. 
Looking to my little white altar and seeing what sits there reminds me of this great work.  Humble though it is.  I honour the food that comes into my doors, from local farms or from far away.  I honour the spirit of the Goddess Hestia and her vigil over hearth and home.  I chose an image of her where she is offering her flame since it mirrors how I feel when I bring offerings for us to eat.  Along side the image is my arbutus wooden knife.  I purchased it many moons ago.  Carved from a fallen branch I consider it a symbol of the craft work I do in preparing our meals.  And a simple homemade beeswax candle to light when the mood strikes.  I find that the action of lighting the candle is helpful in making my time in the kitchen more meditative.

If you have a kitchen altar I'd love to see it.  Leave a link in the comments for all to find.

someday...J is for Jasper

About 10 years ago this summer my sister and I took a 12 hour bus ride from Vancouver BC to Camrose Alberta to attend our cousin's wedding.  Along the way we had many stops but the one that is most memorable for me is when we stopped to stretch our legs outside of Jasper National Park.
From the Convenience Store parking lot I saw a far away mountain peak...(after searching mountain names in Jasper I'm still not sure which one this is)

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And this wild and stunning landscape has been sitting in my heart ever since.  Someday a visit will be planned and carried out.  This trip will have a sense of pilgrimage to me.  I have many such places that I'd like to visit in a spiritual context.  Many are the typical pagan spots: Stonehenge, Newgrange, the Ganges river and some are just mystical and compelling to me for other reasons.
Being in wild places is very important to my pagan path.  It reminds me that I am small, that the earth in her mystery and power can inspire wonder and quiet the aimless ramblings of the mind.  I can get that when heading outside here as well but certain places in the world hold an allure of something deeper.  A lesson of place emitting an energy of a specific kind.  That energy can only be felt when your feet are planted on that ground, when you are breathing that air and feeling the breeze on your skin.
This song was inspired by this glorious place and only increases my resolve to visit.

J is for new Journeys

Last week I stumbled upon a new to me project that was started at the beginning of the year.  The Pagan Blog Project goes through the letters of the alphabet and each Friday you pick a topic beginning with that letter.  This week is J and so I've chosen the word Journeys.
Finding this project has been a step in the right direction for my languishing spiritual path.  I have celebrated Sabatts here and there and have acknowledged the moon as she passes.  I've had intentions of refreshing my altar and planning rituals with friends.  But life gets in my way so often and I just haven't had the dedication I want to to make these plans a priority.
Taking this journey with my blog and focusing my intentions once a week will be a positive step forward for me.  As the boys get further from the baby stage that time will increase, I know.  I try to be present and not fixate on what I can't do.  So joining this project is giving me a sense of what I can do.  Can I plan an elaborate ritual and dance under the full moon, no.  Can I cook with mindfulness and think magical thoughts while stirring a pot of soup, sometimes.  Can I spend Summer Solstice at the beach and bask in the sun for the longest day, hopefully.  And can I write about what my spirituality means to me once a week, yes.
This journey is about finding and redefining my path for myself.  As we grow so too does our path and what we need from it.  Summer is almost here and there is warmth on the horizon.  I'm looking forward to sharing the beach fronts with my almost running 14 month old as he gets to let waves splash on his toes.  Camping trips, preserving wonderful local food, picnics, hiking and watching the gardens grow.  So much goodness to the summer journey ahead and so much is lovely in the spring journey we are already on.  Robins dancing on the grass, windy days, Kyan learning to ride a two wheeler, Elliott's third clear word emerging as cheese.
As my pagan path weaves this way and that, over hills and dales, through thick brush and sunny meadows I have to adapt and reevaluate what it all means to me.  And as the boys grow they will need guidance in their journey's as well.  Learning about different religions, spiritual philosophies, and what they need for themselves.
As the sunshine promises to stay awhile this weekend it seems perfect to just bask it in and let time roll along slowly.
Here's to your new journeys and a wonderful Mother's Day weekend for us all.

Spring cleaning

In my magical dreams spring cleaning would look something like Disney's Snow White movie.  Snow White dancing around with a broom in the seven dwarf's home, chanting a cleansing rhyme as the animals of the forest circle her with help in dappled sunlight.  
You know like this...

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The windows would be open, the pail of warm water scented with essential oils, I would be scrubbing with energy and intentions of letting go of the old and welcoming the new energy of the season.  At the end of the day I would look around with a sense of accomplishment at a clean home...

I now interrupt this  daydream with a reality check.

Instead of seven dwarfs I have two little boys.   They circle around me as I try to finish one task; washing the windows, cleaning the cupboard fronts, maybe vacuuming under the fridge.  All the while I hear calls of: I'm hungry, can you fix this, various grunts and yells from the smaller one.   The essential oils never made it to the pail of water, all I can think is please don't spill all  the water on the floor and please let the windows stay fingerprint free for at least an hour.  At the end of the day the cleaning done earlier is a mere speck in the chaos of toys, food ground into the carpet and folded laundry that is now crumpled in the corner.

So the daydream of cleaning remains just that and finishing one task without someone being injured is an accomplishment.  And the crazy chaos of life with littles is our normal and I can't think beyond that for now.