Tuesday, November 22, 2011

10 years come and gone

Two days ago I turned 34.  In the first month that I moved to the west coast of Canada I turned 24.  10 years I have been here now.  This rainy, lush rain forest of mountains, beaches and whole living goodness is where my heart found its home.
Looking back on the young woman I was when I moved here: a somewhat reluctant adventurer, naive to her dependence on others, full of dreams without much of an idea of how to manifest them, that person is still inside me.  She is now combined with a 34 year old married mother of two, staring out from (hopefully) wiser eyes.  There are days when that young thing takes a hold and says: What are you doing here?  Can't we just make art, sing, go dancing somewhere....and the answer is usually no.  I'm not the kid anymore, I have kids now.  The kid in me does manifest with my children, I'm not completely without fun but there is responsibility and nurturing that comes first.  So much has changed in these last 10 years...I've grown up, become an adult.  Building a life, setting down roots and manifesting my vision of how life should be. 
Some part of my soul knew that I had to let go of every known thing and fly across the country 10 years ago to meet my destiny.  The universe pulled me here pretty much against my will.  I remember crying with fear and my mother comforting me, neither of us knowing then that I would not be moving back east.  I have learned in my 10 years here that doing the thing that your soul says to do is often not easy.  It is scary, and you second guess your decisions in your fear.  But that thing, what ever it is, pulls on you none-the-less and if you don't listen the first time it will just keep pulling at you anyway.  And so here I sit, far from my family but nestled in the family that the universe manifested for me.  Always missing them but secure that the 24 year old who followed her heart here was wise to put her fears aside and buy a one way ticket.  And the 34 year old who hugs her boys and wonders at the spark of love that created her family here thanks her and everyone else who helped her along the way. 

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