Wednesday, October 26, 2011

the best laid plans

Is it getting to be a bit of a typical story on here that I make plans and then they don't pan out?  Perhaps the issue is the amount of plans, or the unrealistic expectations of a mother of a seven month old and an almost four year old.  Today for instance, after a stressful night of a baby's upset stomach and fitful sleep I decided that if the four year old wants to play paper dolls in his pajamas rather than go to pre-school so be it.  There are a dozen cobs of corn in my fridge that need to be blanched and frozen, birthday gifts to be finished and purchased, halloween costumes, halloween decorating, dishes, laundry, milk to pump, papers to file - maybe I should just stop there.

This post resonated with me this week.  The chaos that my creative life lives in is overwhelming and yet it is all I have right now so I must make the best of it.  If I waited for a quiet autumn day to contemplate my projects while warming my hands on a cup of would be spring before I even got around to making tea.  So there are toys, a rolling baby, Thomas songs and Winnie the Pooh dialogue being recited in the background and tiny snippets of time in which to cut, stitch or embroider. 

 (photo by Kyan)

I have chosen this path and despite moments of panic and uncertainty (usually at 2 in the morning) I wouldn't change a thing.  While watching the creative journey of others I am inspired to enter that space; the solitary, internal workings of the mind and soul as they collaborate to make and do.  But even as a part of me longs for that the strongest part of my self says no, without this life, these boys, this level of commitment, you would not be fulfilled.  And I know without question that that is my truth.  So I do this and try to stand tall in that truth every day.

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