Veiling: My Thoughts

Dave and I, July 29, 2006

The controversy over recent months regarding veiling in the pagan community has been very interesting.  I'm not sure why it has been such a "hot topic."  It seems whenever a woman chooses to dress a certain way lots of people have opinions about that.  Personally I support an informed choice to dress however a person chooses to.  From culture to culture there are numerous examples of women veiling for religious, cultural and personal reasons.  From modesty, to devotion to ones gods, and then of course we have the forced veiling of women for control under men.  Pagan women like the ones quoted in this article are adopting this practice for diverse reasons, all of them stemming from informed choice.  I see this choice as thoughtful and subjective and for myself at this time not one I'm making.

Thinking about this topic has left me with two comparisons in my own life to experiences with veiling or not.  The most obvious one being for my marriage.  When I wed Dave I made my wedding dress and we had our ceremony outside.  When it came to what to wear on my head I chose not to wear a veil.  The casual aspect of our day and the style of my dress just didn't fit with a veil to me.  Also I wanted to feel open to the universe as I made my vow.  My hair flowed down my back and I work a sparkling silver headband of blue flowers.  I did now know it then but my choice was more in keeping with Anglo Saxon tradition of flowing hair and a crown of flowers since the current fashion of veils was ushered into vogue by Queen Victoria.

The first time I used a veil during trance work went very well.  It was encouraged as part of a Baba Yaga meditation and I found it much easier to journey that way.  Perhaps it was the covering of my crown chakra that helped.  I was able to look internally easier.  I felt more cut off from those around me and able to quiet ego and chatty internal dialogue.

Using a scarf or wrap in this way is very helpful in such work.  I think it encourages quiet and self reflection.  It can be likened to a horse with blinders on, keeping you focused on the task ahead or in this case inside.

Also I have read that head covering can help with keeping other people's energy from overwhelming you in public.  Again I think it helps to keep you from being open, or too psychically exposed so to speak.  In that way veils are a useful tool spiritually just like tarot cards or an altar cloth; serving a specific purpose to meet a  need in practice.

The cultural impact of practicing veiling in public is more complex and can lead to one being mistaken for another type of religious follower.  Since this choice is one that requires maturity and thoughtfulness I'd hope that anyone doing it in public would have the self assurance to take any misinterpretations in stride.  As pagan culture continues to develop and mature we will face many more new/old practices that will challenge our preconceived ideas of what and who we are collectively and as individuals.

Staying Solitary?

My journey on this path has shifted over the 13 years I've been walking it.  From gathering information to joining an eclectic circle of women to heading out on my own.  The heading out on my own part just happened to coincide with having my children.  And so the life of a solitary practitioner has been spotty for me.  I've done ritual, worked in trance and gathered with others to celebrate, honour and feast.  I have set goals and met them, but often not met them.  This has been a matter of priority setting for me.  It has been my choice to put my family first and so my spiritual practice has taken a backseat many times.
As I emerge from babyland to a place where my children are more independent from my care things are shifting.  And although my tunnel still feels long at times there is a beacon there.  
I have heard others recently describing their religious work in a group and their spiritual practice alone.  I'm still abrasive to the word religion for many reasons but I understand the desire to make the distinction between work done in a group and alone.
As the years move on I understand more about the ebbs and flows of life.  What I am coming to realize is that the initial aspects of paganism that compelled me to call myself a pagan are changing.  I see this as a natural evolution as I become more and more in tune with my inner self.  And as these shifts occur I find that my desire to understand interests and origins grows.  I have never thought of myself as a seeker in the sense of how the word is used around the pagan community these days.  But where I may go in the future to deepen my understanding may bring me to work with other pagan groups.  By other I mean Druidry and Nordic faiths.  All of my group work has been in Wiccan based faiths, some very eclectically so.   I will take the next few years to do more reading, understand fully where I have come from and then decide where to go from there.
I think the "teacher" or "teachers" I may seek will present themselves at the moment they are meant to.  For now I feel comfort in the idea that this path will swerve around and bring me places I can't imagine for myself when the time is right and when I can make this part of my life more prominent again.  

Lessons abound

When I think of spiritual seekers who make sacrifices and climb the ladder of enlightenment my mind creates a visual:  nuns, monks, long robes, simple and unadorned they move through life in quiet contemplation.  Often a family is not in the picture, deadlines, money concerns, filling the car with gas and shopping for groceries,  those things are not in the forefront of my spiritual seeker's life.  Instead they are meditating on a mat each morning, reading ancient texts, and praying before each meal.  A daily practice is second nature.  Whether or not this person or these people actually exist is another story.  This is an image that my soul shows to me when I question my path.  It offers the opposite to what I have now as a more pious option.

You can't let go of your ego and wipe runny noses and cook dinner...
You don't have time to have a daily spiritual routine...
Your life is not part of the big world picture... 


My soul likes to send me messages of doubt.  Years ago in Soul Mates by Thomas Moore this lesson struck a cord with me.  The soul always craves the opposite of what it has.  So despite my life's mission of raising my kids and relishing in the chance to be with them all day when they are little I crave something different.  Part of my soul longs for solitude, peaceful moments to reflect and seek truths.

I think the collective mindset regarding living a spiritual life is skewed.  We look at 40 days fasting in the desert as an ideal trial.  Searching for answers in sacrifice of daily life and isolation from loved ones as a defining test of dedication to the Gods.  But what about standing in your life, the stuff of life and doing it at the same time?
What about looking in your child's eyes and trying to figure out what they need in this moment, seeing them for the bright spirit they are and giving your self for their betterment.  Therein lies an ultimate test of piety.  There have probably always been spiritual men and women who have sacrificed a family of their own for the care of the tribe.  They could not dedicate time to their own offspring when they were needed to help others in their lives.  But in many cultures the holy men also were fathers.  My above vision is a newer idea of spiritual life.  Men and women were not always expected to give up family for a life of service to their religion.

This topic is much bigger than I can tackle here in this moment.  But what occurred to me as I was trying to get Elliott to sleep the other night is that no spiritual trial could challenge me more than this work I'm doing.  My ego rears itself often as I shake my fist at the universe.  Can't the baby just sleep for 2 hours straight, must I pick up these crayons again today, who are these little men that I care for day after day?

This work is my fasting in the desert.

My quiet contemplation is done in literal seconds.  Tiny snippets when both boys are content and occupied.  The adventure that is parenting is a trial by fire, you see many of your worst traits reflected in the faces of little ones that look to you for their very survival.  I will never seek transcendence in a cave in Tibet, a hermit in self inflicted isolation, rather I look for my truth in the shining eyes of two little boys every single day and know that this moment is all I have and I'm grateful for the chance to live this way.

Atheist ads it's about time...

You may have been hearing about the recent approval granted to the Toronto based Freethought Association of Canada to run ads on the Toronto transit system. These ads will say:
"There is probably no God. So stop worrying and enjoy your life." These ads originated in Britain and so far the only out-cry received was a Christian bus driver who refused to drive his bus. Other European nations have had some criticism from various religious leaders, but overall the reaction has been small.
Here at home, Charles McVety the president of the Canada Christian College and the Canada Family Action Coalition put in his two cents in an interview, as reported by the Globe and Mail. Mr. McVety called the ads "attack ads" saying he was all for free speech "on the surface". Now I could not find anymore context for the interview and so I can only take these short sentences as Mr. McVety's opinion. I did look at the Canada Family Action Coalition's website and read their "Primary Principals" and found several statements to "attack" several of my values.
What I'd like to discuss though is the idea that doubt or questioning the existence of God, should not be regarded as a threat to one who does believe in God.
First of all, I can not see how this statement attacks anything or anyone. It does not say: "Christians are silly" or "God is a fairy tale" or "You are stupid if you believe in God." All it does is put out there for anyone who would like to ponder the question or who may have thought it in moments of doubt and was to ashamed or embarrassed to speak it out, that what they are questioning may be true. Realistically some people struggle with this question often, some think they have decided that they do not believe only to realize that when they actually pose the question out loud to themselves they aren't sure they know the answer and others never give it a passing thought. I remember my transition on this question vividly. I asked the question out loud and came to the realization that I did not believe in God. I believe in a universal spark, the essence of a life force, but I don't believe in God in any of the interpretations that religions offer. This was a pivotal moment in my spiritual path for many reasons but the most important one was that I ceased to look outside of myself for answers.
So this leads one to ask: What threatens Mr. McVety about this question?
Does he fear that those who follow Christian values and ideas blindly will in turn begin to think? I for one would see this as a bonus to his faith. Wouldn't a religious leader want followers that were sure. Wouldn't he want Christians to deal with their doubts and come through that with a renewed faith in God? Of course if one questions one may, as I did, decide that they in fact do not believe...but how does that threaten him if his beliefs are strong?
Unfortunately this brings one to the conclusion that Mr. McVety's beliefs are not only for himself, but for everyone. Which makes his statement about being "all for free speech on the surface" all the more disturbing. Because one has to conclude that he means that free speech is fine for his ideas but not for those of others.
The film Doubt makes some wonderful points about this idea. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a Catholic priest in the 1960's who gives a Sunday sermon about spiritual doubt. The point he makes is that one should not fear that doubt will lead one away from God, but have faith that you will find that he is with you in spite of it.

I know you may be saying, but aren't you the atheist pagan? And yes, I am. But in the interest of being non-judgemental and not to mention that I am not insecure in my own truths, I really want to encourage freedom of speech and I want to encourage organizations like the Freethought Association of Canada to continue to ask these questions. Far too many people secular or religious do not question their values and beliefs or their religious leader's values and beliefs. We all have a mind of our own for a reason. Just as one should not blindly spend in this consumer culture, one should not blindly follow a religion or spiritual path, just because so and so does, or that's what you were told to do. I would also like to point out that there are lots of Christian messages on billboards and signs, people handing out fliers at subway stations and trying to spread the word. It's about time that some other ideas were put out there for all to see and ponder. That is the beauty of this society and we should all be thankful to have it.