Friday, June 10, 2011

Month three: in retrospect

The third month of E's life went by in quite a blur.  There was a trip, his first cold, lots of gas, crying and spitting-up, a smile that is slow to emerge but once it gets there is huge, attempts at organization and several days and evenings of giving up trying.  To be honest the only concrete thing I remember about Kyan at this age was me sitting and rocking him.  I would do that for hours as he slept.  It was blissful and yet I know I did other things somehow, I just can't remember how.  So while Ky evolves in to a more and more complex 3 year old, Elliott is leaving behind the small, curled part of newborn land for the chubby giggles of infancy.  Today he reached out in his bouncy seat and purposefully touched the dangling toys.  I delighted for him and my heart felt a pang at the same time because already he has left that tiny freshness for the next phase.

I must admit that I've had a few moments this week in which I felt like this or wanted to go here or just be anywhere but in this house with two or sometimes three unhappy beings as companions.  Someone dear to me often says: This is what you signed up for and often I bow my head to that.  I am a deeply optimistic person and so it's rare that I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is out of reach but tgif has a great ring to it this week, that's for sure.  In these rough moments of parenthood and adulthood I often take the time to count the good things and be grateful for we never know when something really horrible could happen to shake our world that makes these smaller moments seem insignificant.

I hope if Elliott or Kyan ever read these posts when they are adults they will know how loved they are and how hard their dad and I worked to give them the best and be the best for them.  That is all we can do in the end and all I could ever ask of them in return.  Here's to the weekend and a clean slate.  I know I am not alone and we will move past this moment one step at a time.

No comments: