October the Harbinger

(photo taken by Elliott)

As this year winds down; days getting shorter while the cold creeps closer, I try and hear the herald of winter and just be.
Today I put my small garden to rest, Kyan is home from school with his first cold of the season.  The sun was out and the crisp morning was perfect for trimming the raspberry canes and the stems of faded Lady's Mantle blossoms.   Our home is slowly coming back together after several room renovations.  The process of refreshing after 5 years in this home is fulfilling but made October far from stress free.

There were a few traditions missed, we picked no apples and put out minimal Halloween decorations.  But in the spirit of doing our best with the situation at hand we still made the most of the seasonal fun.

I look forward to the Yule season this year as a time to decorate and make the most of our inside space although living in such a temperate climate we are able to be outside all year (as long as we don't mind the rain)

Dancing the Spiral at Reclaiming's Samhain ritual felt like a complete renewal of my body at the cellular level.  I find that I have become more open to the energy raised each year.  When I leave the ritual space I feel new, almost reborn and that energy carries me through the darkening.  In fact I crave that renewal and look forward to immersing myself in the winter season to come.  Perhaps being an autumn baby adds to the power of this time.  38 bares little problem for me, unlike how I felt last year as my 37 birthday approached.  Looking back on the past 10 months I see why I felt so uneasy last year.  It was a year of change and lessons, a harbinger of growth and things I didn't want to accept.  It may be something I'll reflect more on next month.

Breaking Tradition

With the rains and winds of October's last day blustering yesterday we did our best to enjoy Halloween.  Things, important things have been left out of this holy time of year for me.
Specifically our local Reclaiming's Spiral Dance ritual that I have attended every year for the last 9 years.  Two of those years I was sporting a huge belly, and each year I have considered the time to be "mine."
A very important, sacred time to let go, honour, journey and celebrate rebirth.  This year that didn't happen.  This year I looked over the days of hectic fervor and thought to myself, no.
That was hard.  It's not like I go out a lot these days, I rarely get to enjoy something with other pagans.  Being a part of the local community is important to me and yet I neglect that aspect of myself.
I'm not here to defend or make excuses, just to reflect a moment.  This moment was crystal clear when it dawned.  My inner voice said, you are tired, you've pushed yourself and your family to accommodate several things already this month - something has to give.  The most clarity in the moment came when I realized that I wouldn't really enjoy it.  I knew I'd have a million other things on the list running through my head.  I didn't feel able to be present - for the first time in 9 years it just wasn't going to work.
So I did not go.  I thought of the ritual going on several times Sunday evening, I had a nap which is another rare thing for me.  So instead of a ritual to soothe my spiritual self I rested my physical self.
The moral of this story is that as the hectic time of the holidays approaches try to listen to yourself.  If you sense that something you have done for years, a tradition is just not coming together the way it has in the past  that's ok.  It's ok to bow out this year.  And when next year comes around again you can return feeling a renewed sense of joy to participate.  Or you may want to create a new tradition and see where that takes you.

Wishing you a blessed Samhain and hope you had a great Halloween.

Until we meet again...

Mary and I, April 1978

My first profound experience with death was when my paternal grandmother died when I was 7.  Her name was Mary and she was a loving, strong and pious woman.  I spent many an afternoon with her and when I was hungry and she asked me what I wanted to eat I'd say porridge and she would lovingly make it for me.

Her hair was pure white and her eyes were a crystal blue.  She never saw me through her eyes.  She slowly went blind in her 40's.  Her blindness did not limit her ability.  She wrote letters using a typewriter, played piano, cooked and baked and did all these things well and with love.
In my memory she was warm and kind and indulgent.  I feel grateful that I was able to spend the time with her that I did.
At this time of year as Samhain approaches my thoughts always turn to my beloved dead.  Each year memories float in and some take hold and stay while others drift off with the mists.  For many years I was sad that my strongest memory of my Granny was her death and how the days around it played out.  But now I've come to understand that it all falls into place as it can in each moment.  Her death was the last part of her life to those left on this plain.  I can't separate it from who she was or who I've become because of it.

 July of 1944 wearing a dress she had made herself

One morning in the summer of my 7th year I awoke to the sight of my mother leaning over me.  Her chin trembled with sadness as she told me that Granny had died.  Early that morning my grandfather had phoned my mom asking her to come over to his home (just a short walk down the road).  When my mother arrived she checked Granny and confirmed that she had passed away in her sleep.  As I stared up at my mother, seeing her grief plainly on her face I knew first and foremost that I would see my granny again.  It was the first feeling I had and while I was instantly sad I felt a resolve that has never gone away.  I will see her again.
The next few days hold a sprinkling of memories.  My grandfather coming into the house with his head bowed and a coat draped over his shoulders.  It was the first time I remember perceiving his vulnerability, the first time I had ever felt the urge to comfort him.  I remember the dress I wore to the funeral home viewing - it was mint green with an eyelet edging and a sash.  I remember seeing my Granny laying in the coffin my first instinct was panic that she surely was only sleeping and would wake up in the ground alone and frightened.  And I remember the silken pillow that was beside her in the coffin.  It had blue and pink carnations and was meant to symbolize her grandchildren, all eight of us.

I have often called on her in the years since her death.  I know she watches over all of us and sees us in a way she couldn't when she was alive.  There have been two marked times when I felt her presence, both at Samhain rituals.  The first was the fall before I became pregnant with my first son.  While in the Summerland during a trance journey I sat with her near a stream.  I remember being so happy to see her and the light around us being soft and golden.  She spoke lovely words that I do not remember.  When I left to journey back I was filled with the knowledge that I would soon have a child.   Five months later I was pregnant.
The second was almost a year ago also during the trance journey at our local Spiral Dance.  She came and was there with me.  I was so overwhelmed by her energy that I wept, something I've never experienced at that ritual in the 9 years I've been going.  It certainly was profound to feel that energy again after so many years.  I am very grateful for that gift.

This is a sad post I suppose but I see life's moments as important whether they are sad or happy.  As I've told the birth stories of my sons I have told the death story of another loved one.  The universe saw fit to grant another gift when my son Elliott was born on Mary's birthday.  It is a link that he will share with her forever, something that warms our family and honours her memory.

 Cecil & Mary's wedding November 1944

I didn't share my knowing at 7 that I'd see her again.  Perhaps I knew that it was a personal truth and not something that everyone would find comfort from.  Whether she comes to me again on this plain or not there will come a day when we will meet.  That stays with me.   It is a feeling for which I am always so thankful.

Book of the Month: A Witchy read

As is my usual October offering I wanted to share a story that tends toward the darker side as we enter the dark time of year.  What is so magical about this novel though is that it is dark and full of light at the same time, a rare and wonderful gift from a story I'd say.

This novel has two titles it seems.  For readers in the U.S it's Corrag: A Novel by Susan Fletcher and in Canada it is called Witch Light.   This is a story about Corrag, set in 1692, who was raised by her wild mother and looses her at an early age to a witch hunt and how she makes her way.  It is told from her memories (which are lyrical and epic but also simple and intimate) and for a second perspective a Jacobite interviews her in her cell where she awaits her execution for witchcraft.  

This is a truly magical read but is very humanistic as well.  The descriptions of Scotland and England transport you there.  I tried to savor the story so I could stay there with the characters who are well rounded and empathetic but I could have read it quickly because you are compelled to learn more and hear the mystery of the Massacre at Glencoe.

Treat yourself to the journey of a young woman who lives a wild authentic life and sees with the perspective of one much older and wiser.

Saving the Harvest

As the wheel of the year turns towards Autumnal Equinox each year I try and preserve some of the harvest for our family.  In the past I have frozen corn and picked apples for applesauce near the end of September.  This year I was home in the second week of September with 20lbs of Roma tomatoes.

There is a rhythm to stirring sauce, peeling tomato skins and chopping vegetables.  An almost trance feeling can come over you as you stir and watch the bubbling meld the flavours. 

Because, as I've mentioned previously, I spend so much time in the kitchen these days the work I do there has taken on a magical element for me like never before.  This is my daily practice, my most constant repeated routine and one that affects the fundamental roots of the household the most.

When we pick apples this year as we have for the past 5 now, we will fill our cloth bags with huge red orbs that along with pumpkins are my most treasured signal of harvest time.  The ripening of the earth's bounty is a finite time.  A blink and you've missed it.  But it also takes lots of time and as this time of year is always full with activities and such I always pick out a few things to try and see if they bring myself and my loved ones joy.  Making the tomato sauce was very labour intensive from start to finish.  I've learned from this experiment how much I'm willing to dedicate to tomatoes next year.  Applesauce is also labour intensive but we've come to love the flavour of our sauce better than that we buy at the store.  The key this year will be to make enough to last us through the winter. 

The component of preserving the harvest that I find to be the most spiritual is the link I feel to my ancestors while doing it.  Certainly as Samhain is just around the corner and the veils thin as the days shorten this work stirs their blood within me.  For all of our modern lives and conveniences of the 21st century everyone needs to eat.  Through the actions of growing, harvesting, preparing and consuming food we are the most human, the most connected with our mother, the most at the mercy of her grace, and the blessing that another season of bounty will come again.

snippets

The days have been blurring into one another these last few weeks.  So I thought I'd share some snippets as a memory jogger for the future.

Halloween night and our pumpkins

our tired out baby bee

The leaf strewn path by our home

and our altar to our loved ones on the other side

These last few days have felt just as hectic but somehow there have been moments, snippets for a little of this:

That has brought some quiet to my mind.  Tonight I'm off for a second round of Mama alone time in two weeks and Friday I will have some time to focus on some sewing thanks to my Mother-in-law.  Remembering to breathe is always apropos here.

is it over yet?

Even though we are only a week and a day away from the Autumnal Equinox I find myself looking forward to Samhain and the turning of the wheel.  The "official" new year is still months away but this year is wearing on our family a bit.  2011 will be forever momentous as the year of Elliott's birth,  a wonderful day but even on that day sickness was with us.  We've (or more specifically Dave and Kyan) have had quite a year for illness.  In 2010 I strove to increase our health and for much of the year we were healthy.  Near the end though things started grabbing us and we spent each month of this year except July with some sort of cold, infection or stomach upset.  And I'm done with it.  I, like most parents I'm sure don't do well with illness.  Colds are tolerable but stomach things and fevers and infections....blah.  I can't help but go over all the things I didn't get done or should have maintained etc. in the land of what if's.  What if I'd given us better food this week?  What if I'd cleaned that sink sooner?  I know I can't blame myself and that sickness is a normal part of living and of being.  But I can't help but wonder how such a healthy child for his first two years has had such a bad third, riddled with illness.  Unlucky, or maybe it's just how years progress ebbing and flowing with health and illness.  Also as I write this I have a profound thankfulness for the fact that each of these sicknesses has been a virus or bacterial infection and we have not had to battle something more serious.  For the courageous parents that face severe disease in their family I salute you all.  One day at a time, one hour, one minute...the parenting motto that never stops being true.

Also this week I am so relieved about this,

Worried about this and still thinking about how good this was.

I've got some chicken soup starting on the stove and hope to be back in this space by the weekend if not before.

My Beloved Dead

This year I have chosen to honour two wonderful friends who recently crossed over.  At Spiral Dance two weeks ago I honoured my friend Phyliss who was a very dear family friend and my mom's best friend for many years.  She died almost a year ago after a battle with Cancer.  She was a generous and opinionated woman after my own heart.  We miss her very much but know that she is with us still.

And just last week my long time friend May passed.  She lived a long and vibrant life.  She loved to knit and had an ability to see things from a young perspective despite the difference in the generations that we came from.  She was ever so dear to me.  One can only hope to live life as fully as she did in the midst of a wonderful family and an optimistic outlook.

 

You have been called from the place of your dwelling,

After times, after duties, after separations,

May blessed soul-friends guide you,

May helping spirits lead you,

May the Gatherer of Souls call you,

May the homeward path rise up under your feet

And lead you gladly home.

-Soul-Leading for Someone who has Died

by Caitlin Matthews

Food: Revisited

October has brought us some reassurances, one of these is my renewed interest in the kitchen.  The first trimester and moving was tough and I avoided cooking and baking for the most part.  We still miraculously ate three meals and day and snacks but I was not fully present in my kitchen tasks to say the least.  This week has been a bit hit and miss as well.  Like despite getting groceries on Saturday I felt like there was no food on Monday....time to pay a bit more attention while shopping I think.  It seems my mind likes to wander around aimlessly these days.   But in whether in or out of the fog I've put together some interesting meals and snacks and my fridge-top freezer is getting a bit cramped but I plan to get as much food in there as I can before this babe joins us.  Here is what we've got so far:

-My mom made two lovely turkey pies from our leftover thanksgiving turkey carcass.  All I'll have to do is cook some veggies and make some biscuits and dinner will be served.

-Last week I took advantage of the lower price of organic cranberries and made these muffins.  I substituted butter for the oil and for the second batch added chocolate chips which cut the tartness of the cranberries.  Really yummy.

-I managed to freeze two small bags of corn niblets.  They won't last long around here but at least we have a little bit of late summer to enjoy as the colder months approach.

-This week we enjoyed this chicken recipe from Fields and Fire.  I loved the taste of the chicken drippings on the veggies.  I have not mastered our oven yet though so the timing was a bit off.  I'll get it eventually.

-For a friend's visit on Wednesday I made some simple tea biscuits and we spread raspberry jam on them.  It was simple and yummy.

-Another occupant of our freezer is half of our flour order from Urban Grains.  This was my first CSA experience and I'm excited to try out the rye flour for some bread. 

-And for the Samhain ritual and Spiral dance I attended last Sunday I made some molasses cookies which are an old family recipe.   It seemed fitting to use an old recipe when eating after celebrating and grieving the dead.

I'll share our Halloween and Samhain activities with you later on this weekend.  Have a lovely time with your tricks and treats everyone.

Ancestor's Dinner

Our Samhain celebration was last night. It was understated and simple since I have an almost two year old and a non-pagan to please. We had a feast of lasagna, Caesar salad and apple crisp with yogurt. And we set out a place at the table for the spirits to join us.


Before we ate I read this blessing:

Tonight we honour our beloved dead. As a family we honour those that came before us, whose blood runs through our veins. Those who toiled, who laughed, who birthed, who hunted and who cleared the land. We remember the ancestors we have had the pleasure to know, the one's whose faces we can picture and the one's whose names we have spoken: (insert names of family members here) ....and the many others.

We welcome you to our table with thanks and respect. You are with us in our hearts,
what is remembered lives.

Unfortunately death is very present with us this year. The mists are covering a dear one and will soon bring her away, and another has already moved into the next stage. This has made this time very poignant for me and very emotional. After my Spiral Dance trance I didn't feel that more magical work was necessary last night. Instead I did a simple chakra cleanse before sleep while imagining what the full moon must have looked like behind the shroud of the clouds. Today on our walk Kyan and I will spread the food from the ancestor plate in the woods and we will continue to burrow into our little nest as the nights get longer and longer. Blessings.

Preparing to Dance the Spiral...

I've caught the fever for posting ever day as we lead up to Halloween/Samhain. This is going to be an experiment for me but I'm just loving every one's posts for Domestic Witch's October Party and of course Mrs. B's 31 days of Halloween giveaway. If this week works out well I think I may do this for each Sabbat as a way of keeping myself present and mindful of the seasons and festivals.

Last night was Vancouver Reclaiming's 17th annual Spiral Dance. This was my fourth time attending. It has become a tradition for me and several of my friends. It is a chance to celebrate the New Year with other pagans and honour the ancestors, newly dead and newly born. Each year there is a trance journey to the summerland to visit the ancestors and last year I found that I had a hard time staying in the trance. I took some steps in the following months to work on trance and this year I noticed a huge difference. I also prepared myself by trying to have a mellow "ish" day.
I took a bath which was only interrupted once. Of course the interruption meant that the water filled with tangerine-sage bath salts got cold but I tried to enjoy it once I got back.


My witchy outfit. For the last three years I've worn this vintage feather hat and it really puts me in an otherworldly mood.

Took this one just before I left. The evening was thought provoking as always and this year they had some wonderful music. My trance was interesting and I'm still thinking about the messages and images I received. I will go into more details about them in the coming month as I plan on doing some introspective posts during November since it's the new year and my birthday month. There is usually a lot that comes up for me at this time of year. See you tomorrow.

Thanks Mrs. B & Dancing Goddess Dolls

I was thrilled to receive my prize from Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween on Thursday. Kelli at Dancing Goddess Dolls does beautiful work. I love Hecate and have placed her on my Fall/Samhain altar. A big thanks to you both for making my New Year so special.